El Camino de Santiago
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Jean A. Costa / TRAVEL  / El Camino de Santiago
July 9, 2017 In A Place for Women to Gather, Botafumeirol, El Camino de Santiago, Hayden Institute, L'Arche, Roads Scholar, Sherrie Dillard, Sister Judy Hallock, Soul collage, Spain, St. James Cathedra

Walking the Camino

Susan & I beginning the journey

Affirmation: Even though the walk along the Camino has ended, the journey continues.

It’s said that the Camino journey continues even when you’ve finished walking the path.  Perhaps that was the whole theme behind the movie, The Way.  A few days after walking the Camino, my friend Susan Auman and I re-watched the movie together.  Have you had that goose-bump feeling of watching a film and remembering the places you’ve visited?  That was our experience as we watched the film a second time.  I have been hesitant to write this blog summarizing my Spain adventure.  I can’t find all the words I would like to use to tell you about it.  People ask me and I find myself stuttering, smiling, shrugging.  The feelings are still here with me and we came off the path over a month ago and to be honest, I don’t want the feelings to go away.  I’m thoroughly enjoying being in a state of awe and wonder and gratitude.  

Roads Scholar Camino Tribe, May 2017


I attempted to share a bit of our trip on the local Camino blog site in case someone else was interested in going with Roads Scholar but the conversation quickly turned to how much more it cost to go with a tour than it would cost to go on one’s own.  I don’t think the people who commented had a clue; I don’t believe I would have ever gone “on my own.”  I almost didn’t go with the group. Yes, it cost more than a solo hike but for me, it was worth the expense. I had many moments beforehand of wondering what the heck I had signed up for.  We walked 60 miles in 10 days.  We walked up mountains, through forests, through small villages and in the rain and through the mud. We didn’t get a certificate and we had a lot of guidance, thank God!  But I left with a wonderful sense of accomplishment and an amazing storehouse full of memories that will last me a life-time. 

One of the many highlights was when we attended the pilgrims’ mass on our first day in Santiago.  We had just finished a guided tour and we were told that the swinging of the incense, the Botafumeiro, was only done periodically and no one knew when that would happen.  I know I was very disappointed by that news and so was Susan.  We decided to get to the mass early so we were assured of a seat.  When we arrived there was a special ceremony going on and we were delayed admission.  Finally, they let us into the church and as we began to take our seat, five robed men moved into the center of the sanctuary and filled the Botafumeiro with incense and began the swinging.  If you’ve ever seen this done, you will know how goose-bumpy it is.  It moved me to tears.  Then the mass began and when it ended they again swung the Botafumeiro.  Twice!  We experienced this rare, unique blessing twice in one day.  We then discovered it was the one-hundredth anniversary of the miracle of Lourdes and not only did they honor it with the incense swinging but with a procession through the streets honoring the Virgin Mary.
St. James Cathedral, Santiago

Other highlights included stopping at several churches along the way where we were blessed by the local priests and in one of the churches, a visiting Italian choir broke out in melodic song but for me, the most moving event took place, once again in Santiago.  After the pilgrims’ mass, one of my fellow walkers shared with me that she had just come back into the Catholic church.  Her adult son had died with ALS and before he died he had asked her to return to the church but she hadn’t felt moved to do so until she walked into Saint James Cathedral in Santiago de Compestella.  She had actually gone to confession there (the priest didn’t speak English, so he took out a little book of “sins” and had her point to the ones for which she wanted forgiveness) and she had received communion.  She glowed from her experience and I glowed with the honor of her sharing with me her amazing act of courage.  These are just a few of my favorite memories.  Of course I kept a journal and if I were to share all the highlights, I’d have a book written, not just one of my longest blogs.

I’d tell anyone who had this opportunity to grab it and go.  Don’t miss this pilgrimage.  I think it’s life-changing. I know it’s been life changing for me and I’ve only been off the path a very short time.  How, you may ask?
The Rosaries in Finisterra

Remember the blessed Rosaries I collected?  I mentioned them in the last blog.  My first night with the group, I explained that I had been given a “message” to bring Rosaries and I knew that sounded weird but I had collected about fifty of them from a lot of different people.  “Please take one or two if you like.  If you don’t want one, that’s fine too.”  The rest of the Rosaries walked the Camino with me.  When I was finished, I again passed the bag around with the same instructions.  Between our group of twenty-three and the other people I met on my trip, I came home with 5 Rosaries.  I was in awe of how many people I met who wanted to talk about their faith. If that happened, I eventually offered them a finger Rosary and everyone accepted; the tapas tour leader, the taxi driver, the hotel receptionist, the German pilgrim in Finisterra. I didn’t feel any pressure to give away the Rosaries.  I just let it happen, and so it did, and it was so rewarding to share this small gift of my faith.  

The journey didn’t end in Spain.  The journey hasn’t ended yet.  The first Camino synchronicity that took place was about a week later when I arrived at my daughter’s home in London.  When I had visited her in March I walked to mass at the local church as is my practice.  As I was leaving mass a very nice lady introduced herself and proceeded to walk along next to me.  She was very gracious and said the next time I was in London, perhaps I’d like to come to her home for tea; she lived close by.  I contacted her when I arrived at my daughter’s and made arrangements to meet up.  I mentioned in my email that I had just come off the Camino.  As we walked along, I asked her if she’d ever walked the Camino.  “I have walked the Camino for three weeks every year for the last eighteen years.”  I had goose-bumps.  When we arrived at her home, she had all the original tour books for the path, before one had access to cell phones or computers.  She had them in English, German and French.  She also had a walking stick engraved with El Camino.  My new friend worked for the non-profit, L’Arche.  An organization that helped mentally disabled adults transition to independent living.  It’s a world-wide organization.  She then went on to tell me she had two American Gurus, Richard Rohr and Marshall Rosenberg.  As you may already know, Richard Rohr is someone I follow very closely.  He’s appeared in my writing quite a bit.  I didn’t know about M. Rosenberg but I downloaded one of his books and read it on my eight hour flight home.  He is the developer of the Non Violent Communication process. If that wasn’t enough of a synchronicity,  when we went to a communication session to help our grandson, one of the five recommended books was….you probably guessed it, Marshall Rosenberg’s NVC. 

I now carried a vision of the Camino path continuing along mosaic stepping stones.  Where would the next stepping stone be found?  Many months before I left for Spain, I had a trusted friend tell me about a local woman, Sherrie Dillard, who might offer some spiritual guidance.  My appointment with Sherrie was the week after I came home from Europe.  During my visit she told me it appeared I would be presented with an “opportunity “ sometime in the coming fall, a very intriguing prediction!  Was this another mosaic stepping stone?  Would I only know them after I had walked on them?

The very next day after visiting Sherrie, I was invited to attend a Soul Collage workshop.  Over the years, I had done a lot of collaging.  Our yoga-off-the-mat art activity at our annual Pink Ribbon Yoga Retreat (.org) has often focused on meaningful art work, many of our projects were guided to help us create wonderful memorable pieces.  This workshop, however, took this art form to a whole different level.  It was designed to help one tap into those innermost places that are usually well hidden from ourselves.  When my two collage cards were complete, I noticed one part of one of the cards had a picture of a stone pathway.  The woman, Becky Hambrick, who led the workshop was certified in this process and was also a spiritual director.  She mentioned she trained at the Hayden Institute in North Carolina.  I invited her to dinner.  I was very interested.   
I’d seen Sister Judy Hallock at A Place for Women to Gather over the years for spiritual direction and I had a few friends who were also certified in this field.  I’d looked into the certification several times but the programs and the timing were never right.  I decided I’d take a few baby steps and see where this path might lead.  

It led me straight to an available slot in the fall session at the Hayden Institute for training as a spiritual director.  Yes, even when I’ve finished walking the path, the Camino journey continues.  This image that I now carry in my mind and heart leave me feeling excited, hopeful and awed.  It’s such a marvelous gift and I feel so blessed to have received it.  Thank you, Lord, thank you, thank you!


Additional Photos:

April 25, 2017 In anxiety, El Camino de Santiago, expectations, guardian angel, Hiking, Hope, Lee Smith, letting go, Martin Sheen, meditation, Mother Mary, peace, resentments, rosary, Spain, spiritual journey, The Way

Unmet Expectations

Affirmation: I let go of affection, security and power.

Lee Smith, one of our beloved North Carolina writers spoke at the Olli program at NC State University this April. Her topic was, I Was Country When Country Wasn’t Cool. She spoke for one and half hours and never missed a beat. She was funny and clever and very entertaining. I took out my phone at one point, not to check my messages, I hope she knew that, but to write down one of her shared quotes, “Expectations are the breeding ground of resentment.” This, I felt, deserved some reflection.

I’m preparing for a walk along the El Camino de Santiago in Spain. I’m going with my friend, Susan Auman. We are going with Roads Scholar.
We are not walking the whole 500 plus miles. We are “only” walking about 50 miles or so, the last part of the famous pilgrimage. After my adventure last year with Isabelle to Alaska I realized how important it was to me to step outside of my comfort zone. This is way outside of my zone and it’s been an interesting journey before I’ve even packed the suitcase. (More about that later.)

I’ve read the information packet and I’ve watched the movie, The Way, with Martin Sheen. I’ve got my plane tickets, hiking boots and hiking poles. I’ve got new walking pants that roll up and my old Outward Bound hat. I have sunscreen and Biofreeze. I’ve spent the last few weeks dotting the “i’s” and crossing the “t’s.” I have had moments of complete panic and moments of total calm. At one point, I called Roads and spoke to a woman named Gale. I told her how anxious I felt and that I wanted to speak to the guide; that was not going to happen, she told me. Then she asked me what I was anxious about. “Everything!” I replied. At some point in the conversation she reminded me that millions of people have already done this. They’ve walked the entire path. She also reminded me that this is a pilgrimage and “a spiritual journey.” With those words, the anxiety seeped out of me. It was like I had been in the dark and she came in and flipped on the light switch. I’d like to tell you that I’ve been calm ever since but that would not be true, although I have been calmer and that’s been nice.

After listening to Lee Smith, I’ve tried very hard not to have any expectations for my trip. I have prayed that it be “uneventful.” I think that’s what people mean when they speak of “traveling mercies.” If you’ve been watching the news lately, it appears travel is filled with situations that are far from pleasant and may even be life threatening, or deadly. Of course, that describes most of life, don’t you think? I however, once again, get to choose on what I want to focus. I have asked my Guardian Angel to go ahead and pave the path with grace and ease. That practice brings me peace. I expect this to be an adventure, perhaps one of my life’s most daring after breast cancer. This adventure however, I’ve chosen.

As I sat quietly one morning trying not to mentally pack (again) and to stay in the moment, I received a message, “Bring Rosaries.”  I haven’t had a lot of direct communication with God or in this case, Mother Mary, but I was very sure this wasn’t my idea. When I rose from my sitting, I sent a note to all my Catholic friends asking for Rosary donations.  I felt I wasn’t supposed to buy them.  I believe I am to bring the prayers and energy of my dear ones from home onto and into the walk.  What a wonderful response I’ve gotten.  Some came with notes wishing us well.  Some are from the Vatican, recently blessed by Pope Francis.  Some are homemade by the ladies of St. Michael the Archangel.  Others belonged to loved ones who have passed away.  There are even finger Rosaries.  Who knew there was such a thing?  I’ve already given a few away.  I know the dear ones I gifted will be holding us in their prayers as we walk along.  I like knowing that.  It makes me smile.

When I heard Lee Smith’s quote, however, it was not travel that first came into my mind. The reason I believe it resonated so loudly with me is because I recognized the frustration I’ve experienced over the years with several important relationships. I’m guilty of expecting people to behave in a certain way or to respond to me in a certain manner and they don’t always meet my expectations. I’ve got some amazing people in my life and I’m not proud of judging them as wanting because they didn’t live up to my expectations and perhaps because I didn’t even let them know what I wanted. I’ve been on the other side of this also and it’s a very exhausting experience to try and meet someone’s expectations whose needs are quite extensive but who doesn’t want to appear needy and so doesn’t tell you what they are.

The phrase I have adopted this year to begin my meditation with is, “I let go of affection, security and power and accept this moment exactly as it is.” I say it before I begin meditating and have to say it several times during my quiet time. “I let go.” How powerful is that? When I stop attaching my wants and desires on my loved ones, I give them permission to be whoever they are and I am then called upon to love them and accept them exactly as they are. Perhaps, once I can achieve that state, I can also allow myself to be the best I can be and not feel an obligation to create someone else’s happiness, or even comfort. As I examine this new phrase, I wonder how much of my life has revolved around my expectations and if that’s served me well or not? I think there’s a difference between expectation and hope. The first is about the destination and the later is about the journey. I can be guilty of focusing on the destination when It comes to every aspect of my life not just my relationships or my travel but my faith, my material possessions, my health, my social life. None of that has brought me happiness or contentment. It’s time to let go.

Maybe by letting go I will make more room for God in my life. Perhaps by letting go over and over again, just like I do in my mediation, I will finally be content and peaceful. I think my pilgrimage to Santiago de Compostella began the day I signed up for this journey and the lessons I am to learn and share started showing up almost immediately, including in Lee Smith’s talk. Although one of my affirmations is, “The best is yet to come.” Well, who is responsible for that? Perhaps that too can refer to the journey and not the destination. I’ll let you know as I walk along. Look for an update or two but don’t expect too much!

May the road rise up to meet you. May the wind be always at your back. May the sun shine warm upon your face; the rains fall soft upon your fields and until we meet again, may God hold you in the palm of His hand.
An Irish Blessing

My Rosary Collection