breast cancer

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August 28, 2014 In Affirmations, Women, Yoga

Following Your Destiny

Affirmation: I am following
my destiny.

At 7:00 p.m. on September 9th of this year, 2014, at Barnes and Noble
in Cary, NC., I’m going to have a book signing of my book, Creating PositiveAffirmations, Living an Intentional Life.
It’s my first event of this type and I’ve been asking others for advice
about what to say. Most people tell me
to explain why I wrote the book. The
book has developed from writing this blog, Creating Positive Affirmations. Why did I begin writing a blog? I didn’t know how to blog and to be honest
I’d never even read a blog but I understood the concept and I had found such
strength and peace by creating my affirmations, I wanted others to have that
same sense of well-being. I began
writing with the hope that I would make a positive difference in other
lives. I decided that even if my writing
only helped one other person, I would consider it a success.

Have you ever had the seed of an idea that you nurtured and then
saw it grow? I believe we all have had
the experience of getting an idea and wondering if it’s worth investing
in. I’m sure there have been both good
and bad ideas that people came up with and went ahead with. Have you seen the movie or the play The
Producers? It revolves around two
men whose idea it is to produce a flop of a play in order to keep all the
investment money. To them it seems like
a great idea and they go to all sorts of lengths to make sure the play will not
succeed. They buy an offensive musical
script about Hitler, hire a terrible actor to play the lead and get a group of
inept performers for the chorus. It’s so
bad, it’s funny and it becomes an immediate success. Now, they are in trouble. It’s one example of a bad idea. Certainly, there are many other examples of bad idea especially those terrible ideas that
injure another in any way.

There are, however, many many examples of good ideas. Have you see the car commercial when they
show all the great businesses that began in a garage? Amazon, Apple, Google, Disney, Hewlett
Packard, Mattel and Harley Davidson are just a few, not to mention all the
famous bands that began in garages. I
find it inspirational that some people are willing to listen to those inner
urgings and follow through with creating something new and wonderful.

I’ve had at least two obvious times in my
life, other than when I chose to marry Sandy, when I followed that inner voice,
or maybe God’s voice and seen something wonderful come about. The first of these was the creation of the
Pink Ribbon Yoga Retreat. At the time of
this entry we are just finishing our tenth retreat, thirty four women breast
cancer survivors attended for four days at the NC beach. The seed of the idea was planted in me and it
must have been meant to be because once it began to take root, it grew and grew
until we now have this wonderful yearly event to benefit any woman who wants to
come who has been treated for breast cancer.
It’s been miraculous.

The second time was when I kept writing this blog until I had
enough entries to put together into a book.
I’ve listened to many people share their desire to write a book. I never had that desire. While I love to sit and journal, that’s just
for me. It’s my way of centering,
clearing and focusing. I don’t concern
myself with the grammar or the punctuation.
I just write. I love the feel of
the ball point pen on the paper and watching the miracle of the words appearing
on the paper. Writing for an audience
was never part of my plan but here I sit Sometimes there are things we are simply supposed to do. I am supposed to write about
affirmations. I am supposed to share with
others my failings and fears and challenges and how I’ve come to not just
handle those imperfections, but how I am able to neutralize them or perhaps
even turn them into blessings. I
consider myself to be a fairly normal average person and I believe if I can
make myself better off because I’ve found a way to perceive life from a
positive perspective, most people will also be able to accomplish that and if I
can be of service to even one person and maybe to many more, then that’s what
I’m supposed to do and so I write. This is my 185th blog post.

I write with the hope that I lift the spirits and the hopes of anyone who chooses
to take the time to read these pages, who chooses to read my book. I write because I feel like it’s my
responsibility, my mission, my destiny.
I know I cannot cure the world but I can offer what I have learned about hope and about the the tools
necessary to live a fuller, richer more blessed life. May these words and stories do just that for
you. May they give you the gifts of
peace and strength and make the world seem less onerous and more beautiful. May these words empower you and may they help
bring you to a place of serenity and hope.

August 30, 2013 In Women, Yoga

What Was I Thinking?

Affirmation: I carefully choose my thoughts.

This year’s 2013
Pink Ribbon Yoga Retreat has just ended.
It was our 9th retreat. You can
gather more information about it from the web site, www.PinkRibbonYoga.org or you can find us on
Facebook. The retreat provides women
breast cancer survivors with support, coping skills, and relaxation. It is designed to be both nurturing and
empowering. What happens over four days
and three nights? Miracles happen.

This year 29
people attended the retreat. We always take an intention to guide our planning
and this year our intention for this year’s retreat was “On Wings of
Joy.” We borrowed a thousand paper
cranes from the Duke Cancer Patient Support Program and hung them from the
rafts and Nancy Soho, one of our committee members, created mobiles for
everyone. She hand folded 5 paper cranes
for each one and then added a hand cut card from which they hung. Along with Irene Talton, our gifted
yoga-off-the-mat instructor, they crafted inspirational words on the top of
each mobile.

We have a very
specific format that the retreat follows.
It’s proven to be extremely beneficial for creating a healing
environment for each individual and for the group as a whole. Over the years we’ve discovered that if we
provide a single meaningful word for each person they are more comfortable
speaking in our opening circle. This year
we used the words on the mobiles to initiate sharing. We then left the mobiles hanging on the back
of the chairs and reused them for our closing circle. I think only one person got the same word for
both circles and that was me. It was
“healing.”

Healing is one of
the miracles that take place during these four days. I know because I always come away feeling
healed. I like to hope that it’s a
complete healing from all my ailments: mind, body and spirit but I don’t know
that for sure. There certainly could be
some rebellious cells floating around inside, although I hope not. I do know, however, that I come away feeling
rested, valued, calmer, centered, nurtured and empowered. I know too that all those positive emotions
can lead me, my body to a place of better physical health and even if I am not
cured of all my ailments, I know I am healed.
There is a difference and I know I am not alone. I know it because over the last nine years
the women, who have participated in the retreat, have told me so. It is true.

The very first
thing we do when the retreat starts is to provide an atmosphere of safety. We encourage everyone to respect the
confidentiality of any sharing that takes place. We ask that only one person speak at a time
and that everyone else simply listen. We
ask that each person use the word “I”, not the third person
“you” or “we.” We
let everyone know that sharing is optional and that silence is not only
accepted but valued. Before the next
person begins speaking, the last person must declare that they are
“complete.”

We tell everyone
that this is their time, all four days and three nights. We have all sorts of wonderful offerings but
their first responsibly is to take care of themselves and so if they need to
take a walk or a nap or to just have some quiet time, then that’s what they
should do. Of course, if they want to do
yoga on the beach, try creating a water color of spirit, participate in yoga
dance, eat ice cream with the group, try the meditation sessions or experience
laughing yoga, they are welcome to join in.
One other thing that quickly becomes apparent is the lack of judgment
that permeates the event. For at least a
short while no one has to hide whatever might cause one to be embarrassed in
the outside world. With that, the women
can simply be. There is no striving, no
pretending. It’s liberating. It’s another modality that promotes
healing.

One of our
traditions is to jump into the ocean after the early morning yoga. There’s something very magical about floating
on the warm waves early in the day with a group of friends. One morning I was quite tired and I thought
maybe I’d skip the swim and just head back to breakfast but I wore my swimsuit
just in case. The yoga ended and several
ladies headed towards the water. I
joined them. As I floated over and
through the gentle waves, I couldn’t imagine what I had been thinking that
would have kept me from this amazing experience and then I realized, I often
find myself in really neat situations that I was initially hesitant to
join. Sometimes they involve big steps,
like when I joined my daughter-in-law and traveled with her to Ecuador and
other times, they’re small steps, like jumping into the ocean. Each time, however, I find myself wondering,
“What was I thinking?”

Perhaps, if we
paid close attention we’d discover that most of the time we’re not very clear
about what we really want or what will make us really happy or perhaps what our
best choice is. An example would be when
we choose to have that second helping of something that tasted really good but
which is not good for us. How often have
any of us done that and then shortly afterwards wondered, “What was I
thinking?” It would be wonderful to
always be clear about our decisions, to always be mindful but it’s a practice,
a life-long practice. We can only stay
alert and be aware.

After the retreat
is over I find myself asking that same question about having this idea of a
yoga-beach retreat for women breast cancer survivors, “What was I
thinking?” What made me think it
would become a reality? Did I believe
that it would turn into such a powerful, healing experience for so many
people? Where would the money come from
so everyone could afford to attend?
Where would we find a place to stay?
Who would volunteer to be our teachers?
How would we advertise? There
were dozens of questions and challenges to making this a reality. “What was I thinking?” I was thinking this was a good idea and if I
moved forward and it didn’t happen, well at least I tried. It’s better to try and fail than to never try
at all but it didn’t fail. It
happened. It happened and it has
provided comfort and healing, support and respite to more people than I had
ever imagined. “What was I
thinking?” I don’t really know what
I was thinking but I do know I’m really glad and actually very proud that I was
thinking at all. I’m thrilled that the retreat exists and that because of the
work of so many wonderful people, we achieved the creation of such an amazing,
awesome experience. As of today it’s
been over a week since the retreat began and I am pleased to say I am still
floating on the “wings of joy.”

September 11, 2012 In Uncategorized

Claiming Your Power

Affirmation: I stand in my power.

How many women do you know who would say they love themselves? It seems to me, that most women have a lot of difficultly valuing themselves. Most of the discussions I have with my female friends and women attendees at my workshops are about ways to increase our self-esteem especially as we grow older.

The intention I set for my yoga practice and for when I teach any class is to “nurture and empower.” I believe that a regular yoga practice is one of the tools that will help us develop and encourage us to deepen both of those qualities. Some poses allow us to rest and let gravity hold us while we slowly release more deeply into the pose. I feel that way when I do Pose of the Child. In it you kneel down, sit back onto your heels, place your forehead on the floor and rest your arms, hands down, along side of your body. As you breathe your whole back stretches open from the bottom of your spine up to the top. Your legs and feet loosen up and your shoulders relax into the ground. Of, course there is also Savasana, Corpse Pose. It’s the last pose in most practices when the yogi lies flat out on his or her back, hands placed palms up next to one’s side and let’s gravity hold you while keeping the mind free of the clutter of life. I always remind my students that this is a very important pose because as one of my mentors, Nancy Hannah, taught me “Mindful movement followed by stillness brings healing to the mind, body and spirit.”

But, when I practice and when I teach, my mission is to also empower. There are many poses which can encourage a sense of strength and power. One of the poses that is frequently included in most practices is Virabhadrasana, Warrior Pose. There are three Warrior Poses. The tale surrounding these poses is that a young woman was deeply wounded by her father and decided to shed her body. While in a meditative state her body burst into flames. When her husband, the god Shiva, heard of her death he called on his fiercest warrior and named this warrior, Virabhadra, Vira (hero) + Bhadra (friend). He then ordered Virabhadra to go and revenge his wife’s death, which Virabhadra did. Nowhere in the story does it say if the warrior is a man or a woman. You get to choose. When you take a stance for Warrior I, you spread your legs apart, both feet pointing forward, the back foot a little turned out, you bend your front knee, face forward and raise your straight arms overhead. You ground your feet and lift your torso. In Warrior II, you take the same basic stance, but you turn your torso to the side, place your arms in a tee position, palms down, and gaze out over the front hand. It looks like you’re preparing to throw a spear or a javelin. In Warrior III, you stand on one leg and your other leg is stretched back and it and your torso and arms are parallel to the ground, like your about to swing out and kick something. Practicing any one of these stances will elicit a feeling of power in mind, body and spirit.

A diagnosis and treatment plan for cancer or some other life threatening illnesses, can be a very dis-empowering experience. Many in the medical field in an attempt to help you save your life forget that you still need to be in charge. They may need a reminder that you are more than willing to partner with them in your health care but you are not going to allow them to take over your whole life. Claiming your power in this instance can be the difference between life and death. If you have a feeling that the caregiver you are working with is not on your team, it is imperative that you resolve the conflict or find a new caregiver. Follow your instincts and claim your power. Before I began treatment for breast cancer I decided to practice my Virabhadrasana poses. I decided I need to take a warrior stance in order to prepare myself for the cancer process. I found a counselor with the Duke Cancer Patient Support Program. I then gathered my troops about me and got all the information I could find about other steps people have successfully used to empower themselves through this experience; a nutritionist, an acupuncturist, a massage therapist, and most importantly, my prayer groups. I invited and allowed any friend who wanted to help me through cancer, to help me in anyway that suited them. Truly, I entered into that first chemo session fully armed. I had my family, doctors, nurses and technicians to guide the meds and treatment and I had prayers, information, mediation tapes and a USA Today crossword puzzle. I was fully prepared for battle.

The first time I heard someone tell me they needed to “stand in their power” I knew immediately what she meant. Sometimes it’s too easy to think small. It’s too easy to feel small, to let things go unresolved so that someone’s feelings are not ruffled but that can become a habit that only diminishes our power and our spirit. Years ago when I was a very young woman there were courses designed to help people become more assertive, not aggressive, they would stress, but assertive. Mostly these courses were attended by women. What decides wether or not a woman feels powerful or not or for that matter, how anyone feels about themselves? I’m sure the first criteria is their childhood experiences. Were they led to believe they were special, smart, gifted? Were they encouraged to follow their hearts and their imagination or were they treated poorly or worse? But, even after such spirit damaging treatment, many people go onto find their self worth.

Steve Jobs founder of Apple, died in October of 2011. He changed the face of IT and the way the world saw and used all sorts of technological equipment. One of the stories about Steve Jobs is that as a child when confronted by another child about his adoption, he became very upset. The other child asked him how it felt to know he was abandoned by his birth parents. His adopted parents gave the perfect answer to his question of abandonment. They explained to him that they had chosen him from all the other children in the world. For most of us, that would be enough to help us feel better and to value ourselves. Steve Jobs took it to a whole new level. He said from that moment on he knew he was not abandoned, he was CHOSEN!

As women age in our society, traditionally their value is diminished. Older women are not normally looked upon as favorably as older men. Just look at our older actors versus our older actresses. But, even if in America you don’t find a lot of older women in the movies, thank heavens for the Brits and Dames Maggie Smith, Helen Mirren and Judi Dench. It seems to me that the values our society holds up as a reflection of “success” are normally male held values. But, it is changing. Women today seem to be able to stay true to themselves and still find worldly success. But, let’s face it sadly, we still don’t have many women officially leading the countries of the world. We have had, however, many women warriors who have led our society out of darkness and into the light: Mother Teresa, Eleanor Roosevelt, Susan B. Anthony, Rosa Parks, and Helen Keller to name just a few. And, we do have many more women in professions that were once consider strictly male territory. When I majored in mathematics in college, I was one of 5 women in a program of about 100 men. No more! We now have women leading the fields of medicine, science, law and politics. But, perhaps, some of your heroines aren’t on this list. What of our mothers, sisters, friends and mentors? They may be the women you think of when you think of powerful, strong women.

What if you believed that every thing you do, everything you say, every thought you have, has an influence on everyone else in the world? Would you think of yourself as powerful? I am here to tell you that is true! Our simple presence in this world, affects everyone else and everything else that exists. We are interwoven in ways we cannot even fathom. There is a network of energy that runs from each of us to each other. Therefore, we have a responsibility to value ourselves and each other. We have a responsibility to claim our power. We must all believe in ourselves, we must! We must recognize and value our contributions, our existence. Men and women alike need to know without doubt that we have value, each of us, and it’s especially important to claim it as we age. We need to recognize and take credit for the way we have made life better. It will affect every aspect of our life and every person we encounter. When you truly claim your power and let your light shine, you give permission to the rest of world to do the same.

What do you think your life would be like if you believed that you are chosen? What would it take for you to believe that you are powerful? What tools can you use to insure that as you move forward you will know that simply because you are, you are important; you are a force with which to be reckoned. One of the first tools is to stand up and tell yourself, “I am powerful! I stand in my power! I claim my power!” Yes we are chosen, each and every one of us. We have been chosen by the greatest Father of all time. Claim your power. Say it! Write it! Watch how your body responds. An affirmation can feel strange at first but don’t give up, keep with it and one day if you’re not there already, you’ll be in a place where you find yourself standing tall, feeling strong and you’ll know without a doubt that you are valued, you are important, you are loved.

August 8, 2012 In Uncategorized

Miraculous Happenings

Affirmation:
My
life is Joy filled, Miracles occur, Love surrounds me and permeates every
aspect of my existence.

We all know that
in the classic Alice in Wonderland, Alice jumps down a rabbit hole into a whole
other unknown, full of adventure, self-examining world. Sometimes we are pushed down that hole and
sometimes we choose to jump but either way, we get to decide what we’ll learn
and what we’ll take away from our experiences.

After being
treated for breast cancer in 1999, I was left feeling very unsure of what I
should be doing for myself. During the
intense treatment, which for me lasted almost a year, I was well cared for and
in constant contact with my doctors and other caregivers. Then the day came when I was
“released.” I had had my last radiation treatment. We, the family and I, actually threw an
“end of radiation celebration.” Sure, I was scheduled for follow up
mammograms and yearly checkups but other than that I was on my own. Yes, in many ways we are always “on our
own” as we go through cancer but for me, being released, while a reason
for celebration, was also very scary. I
began looking for those things that might help me feel supported, educated and
uplifted.

As a long time
yoga practitioner, I turned to the yoga world to see what might be out
there. It was in 2000 that I made my
first trip to Kripalu Yoga Center in The Berkshires of Massachusetts. It was there that I had the thought about
creating a yoga retreat for breast cancer survivors. I envisioned several days at the beach,
yogaing, resting, swimming, talking, and breathing! In 2005 the first Pink Ribbon Yoga Retreat
for women breast cancer survivors became a reality. My jump down the rabbit hole had taken me to
one of the most amazing, fulfilling adventures of my life.

As of this writing
here in 2012, a few hundred women have experienced all the things I envisioned
and so much more than I ever imagined.
This retreat has been Spirit Driven and Divinely Blessed since its
inception. Have you ever been involved
in something like this, something that takes on a life of its own, something
that comes together and blossoms with a miraculous aura?

I have never
approached an individual or an organization that has not generously agreed to
help us in whatever way they could. The
first person to say yes was Rhonda Bailey, a yoga instructor and friend. She set the standard for everyone else. After that, with the support of The Duke
Cancer Patient Support program, we were ready to go. Our teachers generously volunteer their time and
talent. Our friends and family come
forward every year to help defray the costs and to provide scholarships for
those who are unable to pay. One woman took it upon herself to buy cushy beach
towels for everyone. We had homemade
biscotti and pound cake. A local
ice-cream shop donated sundaes for everyone and one of our committee members
made the supreme effort to go taste several of the flavors beforehand. Every year we raise enough money with the
efforts of my husband, Sandy, to help pay for anyone who wants to come on
scholarship. It’s phenomenal how it all
comes together and it’s obvious to all of us there that the success of this
event is beyond anything most of us have ever experienced. It has to have the hand of God in it.

Who comes to a retreat
like this? Well, obviously, women who
have experienced breast cancer.
(Although we have many people who want to come but don’t want to qualify
to come.) But, really what type of individual attends an event like this? I am here to tell you, they are amazing
individuals. They come from all over the
country. Most of the women have heard
something about what goes on but it really is an unknown entity. Many have never practiced yoga; many come
without knowing anyone else. Some are in
the middle of treatment others have been out of treatment for years. They don’t know what the accommodations are
like, who their roommate may be or what the food is like but they come
anyway. They are the type of person who
isn’t afraid to jump down the rabbit hole.
They are amazing, brave, adventurous human beings and when we gather we
get to share the adventure.

The focus of the
retreat, believe it or not, is not breast cancer. Yes, we all have that in common and yes, the
subject comes up and people share experiences and more often than not, they
share what worked for them. The focus of
the retreat is living life to the fullest.
Each year, as in most yoga practices, we take an intention. The first year the intention was that “it was
a joyful experience for Everyone involved.”
One year we focused on an “Open Heart.”
We also took the intention to “Stay in the Moment.” In 2008, our intention was to “Marvel in the
Mystery.”

The retreat
provides multiple healing modalities.
Besides yoga, which in itself is multi-dimensional; there’s the ocean,
art-therapy, massage therapy, silent walks and Yoga Dance. Some people relate to some and not to other
modalities. Other people need a little bit
of all of them but either way they all lead to an increased sense of well-being
and support.

We begin and end
the retreat with a Sharing Circle. I’m
sure there are many such rituals involved with other gatherings but I was
introduced to this ritual at Kripalu.
There are many guidelines. The
first, of course, is confidentiality. We
go on to talk about using the “I” word, not the community “we.” Only one person is allowed to speak at a time
and it’s highly recommended that everyone actively listen and not plan what
they might want to say. In between each
speaker we take a collective in breath and sigh it out. We imagine clearing the psychic white board
in the middle of the circle. There are
other suggestions but these are the main ones.
What happens during the circles? What happens during the four days? Miracles occur.

Miracles, you say?
What is miraculous about ice-cream and beach towels and homemade
goodies? Well, for one thing they simply
appear, like the manna in the dessert.
We never ask for these treasures.
But, what is really miraculous is what happens to the mind, body and
spirit of each of the ladies and our one man (He’s the breast cancer counselor
for the DCPSP.) by the end of the four
days. A light comes on in each person. There has been healing; there’s been a
renewed sense of hope. The women have
found camaraderie and acceptance. We
have laughed, cried, played, swam, created, danced and done yoga. We have found power, the power in each of us
and as a group. The event is laced with
miracles especially the overwhelming feeling of love that permeates each person
including me, as the retreat comes to a close.

If you’re interested in attending, you can look us up on
PinkRibbonYoga.org.

July 13, 2012 In Uncategorized

Field of Dreams

Affirmation: “If I can imagine it, I can achieve it; if I can dream it, I can become it.”

“If you build it, they will come.” Do you remember that phrase? It was used in the movie Field of Dreams with Kevin Costner. He was a farmer in Iowa who kept seeing the spirits of old baseball players in his corn field. He decided to mow down his crop and build a baseball field for his spiritual visitors. Most people thought he was crazy but he went ahead anyway and at the end of the movie, they show lines of cars coming to his farm to see, well, I guess they’re hoping to see what Kevin was seeing, the late, great baseball players.

Over the years, I’ve been fascinated by people who decide to build a field of dreams somewhere hoping, sometimes expecting, people to come. One example of this is my fiddle teacher. She’s a marvelous teacher and a wonderful person. A few years back, she decided she’d sponsor a fiddle class at our local Senior Center. Now, how many older adults do you think there are who want to learn to play the fiddle? It didn’t seem to matter to Mara. The center told her she needed to have at least 4 people for the class to happen. Four people signed up. Some weeks only one person was there and that didn’t matter to Mara. She was always there. It’s been about four years now that she’s been having her Thursday morning class. Four years and every year there are more students attending. This year, we are up to six fiddlers. And, there’s little doubt that every year, there will be more and more of us.

Another example of this is the water aerobics class at my mountain community. We “lost” our instructor four years back. So, one of our members offered to facilitate the class. She’d never taught before but she’d taken a lot of water classes and it was her main form of exercise. She has an issue or two with her back and she’s never injured herself in the water. She’s been sponsoring this class every Monday, Wednesday and Friday morning during the summer months for a few years now. If no one comes, she exercises alone. Initially, there were about six of us. We couldn’t figure out why everyone wasn’t there; it’s such a wonderful experience. She’s a marvelous teacher. Now, three years later about fifteen people are attending. She built the “field” in the water and people are definitely interested.

I know it’s true that people may not come to what you think is a good idea even if you’re willing to dedicate yourself to it. At one point in our lives, my daughter and I opened a stationery store. We had it for five years. We were there every day except Sunday and we were knowledgeable and very responsive to our customer’s needs but during those five years, the popularity of the internet blossomed. We found we were a great place in which people could actually see and touch the product that interested them but then they’d go home and buy it online from a large distributor. Sometimes they actually brought it back to us if they weren’t satisfied or if they had made a mistake in ordering. There was nothing we could do except to encourage them to order it from us. We guaranteed all our work. The internet sold our products for less retail than we could buy them wholesale. By the time we closed the store, we had days when we wondered if we had forgotten to take down the “closed” sign. But, if we hadn’t tried at all, we would have never known and we would have missed out on an experience that for the most part we really enjoyed.

When I decided to have a beach retreat for women breast cancer survivors (PinkRibbonYogaRetreat.org) I wasn’t sure anyone would come. I had no idea if anyone else would be interested or if I could find people that would want to help. At our first meeting a dozen people showed up and volunteered to help. Our first year we had brochures and flyers that we distributed anywhere we could. We had about 23 women attend. In our eighth year we merely opened registration up online and we had 35 women register almost immediately. That’s our maximum number, 35. I wish we could take anyone who wants to come and so far that’s what we’ve been doing but this year, we had to close registration. It made me sad but just like the fiddle class and the water aerobics, we had built our “field of dreams” and people are coming.

Do you think that most successes are determined by sheer dedication and determination? I often think of Thomas Alva Edison and the fact that it took him 12 years and 1000 tries to develop the light bulb. How about Pistol Pete Maravich, one of the greatest basketball players of all time. He never put the basketball down. He slept with it. He could spin it on his hand for over an hour without stopping. Sister Mary Margaret of A Place for Women to Gather had a dream. She was the first in her community to create a place for women to share their insight and knowledge. As of 2012 A Place has been opened for ten years, serving hundreds of women in their quest for personal and spiritual growth.

My husband is one of my heroes. His dedication and determination has led him to professional and personal success beyond that of most people. We often find ourselves looking around at our life and being awed by the blessings we’ve reaped. Blessings that came from hard work and integrity and a close connection with our God. Sandy is now on his 3rd or 4th career. I’ve lost count. He’s become a motivational speaker. He wrote a book called Humanity at Work; encouraging spirit, achievement and truth to flourish in the workplace. And then he began building his “field.” I was fascinated to watch him go about creating and pursuing his dream. There is little doubt in my mind that the day will come when people will be lining up to hire him for their inspiration and education. (You can find him at: www. SantoCosta.com.) In fact, many people have already discovered him.

I am sure you too can think of many examples of “true dreams.” Some may be of famous people, some may be those of friends and family. “If you build it, they will come.” What about you? What have you thought about creating? What have you already created? Do you have a dream you’re willing to commit to? “If you can imagine it, you can achieve it; if you can dream it, you can become it.” (William Arthur Ward)

February 25, 2012 In Uncategorized

Manifesting True Dreams

Affirmaion: I am always manifesting, I manifest to my highest and best.

This week, the third week of February 2012 marks the opening of the new Cancer Center at Duke University Hospital and my husband, Sandy and I were invited to a couple of the ceremonies marking the occasion.

The new center was the dream of Victor Dzau, the chancellor and CEO of the Duke University Hospital system. Many people told him it was a crazy idea, an impossible idea for many reasons but especially because of the economy but he refused to believe them. He had this vision and he set out to make it come true. This week it became a reality.

I love to see dreams come true. It’s one of my daily prayers for my children and my grandchildren. It’s great when I’m a part of it but even if I’m just the observer and can be present for the event, I am thrilled. Sandy and I went to Nashville for one of my significant birthdays and for part of our trip, we toured the Ryman Auditorium. It’s the home of the original Grand Old Opry. We were on the tour with one other couple. They seemed like simple people. They were farmers from somewhere in the south. When we reached the dressing room that use to be Johnny Cash’s the man from the other couple became very quiet. His wife leaned over to us and said, “Being here is his dream come true.” To this day I can remember the feeling of honor I had at being present when this man’s dream came true, even something as simple as a trip to the Ryman Auditorium.

It’s been twelve years, almost thirteen that I’ve been out of cancer treatments but I can still feel, with every one of my senses what it was like to walk into the old cancer center. It filled me with dread. It was dark and overflowing with people and it had a strange odor. If my husband had not been at my side, I’m not sure I could have remained standing. After the visit with the doctor, we then toured the infusion center, the chemo room. If the hospital seemed to me like a foreign country, the chemo room seemed like an alien planet. I couldn’t breathe. And, I knew this was my future, my destiny and my hope.

Fifty thousand people came to be treated at the Duke Cancer Center in 2011. They came from all over the world. One of the speakers at the ribbon cutting called cancer “the scourge of the 21st century.” I am sure it has touched your life either you personally or someone you know and love or worse yet, knew and loved.

When I finished treatment, I had an End of Radiation Celebration and invited anyone who had helped me along the journey: family, friends, doctors, nurses and technicians. I took the opportunity to accept donations toward the Duke Cancer Patient Support Program. They had helped me so much through some very difficult stages and I wanted to give back. A friend and I made an appointment with the then head of the Cancer Center and gave him the donations and told him something needed to be done to make the place softer, more comfortable, less frightening. He said he understood our concerns and he agreed but it was an issue with money and it probably wasn’t going to happen.

Yesterday when I walked into our new building and then into our new Self Image Boutique, I cried. I know I’m not the only one. One other survivor was there with me and she too had tears in her eyes. It’s a beautiful room full of light and soft colors and hope. The lobby of the new building has a fireplace and a piano and light pouring in from cathedral like windows. The floor has inscribed in it word of faith and hope that came from the book Finding the Can in Cancer written by four women cancer patients who worked and volunteered with the Duke Cancer Patient Support Program. The infusion center has small private rooms with TVs and recliners and looks out over a roof top garden.

I know people who come there for treatment will still be frightened, confused and overwhelmed. Cancer creates those emotions in the patient and their loved ones but maybe now with a softer, kinder environment and state of the art technology, people will know they will not just be cared for but as the Duke Cancer Patient Support Program mission statements says, “they will be cared about.”

Victor Dzau looked at me that evening and said, “Jean, you have been a big part of this happening.” I thought. “He’s such a nice man and so good at his job. No wonder he’s accomplished this amazing feat. He makes everyone feel important and valued.” But, that’s not fair is it? It’s not fair to me and it’s not fair to him. Our program which began twenty five years ago by Rachel Schanberg at the bequest of her young daughter Linda has been working for compassionate care of the whole person since its inception. It began in a closet with eighteen volunteers. Now, they have over two hundred and fifty volunteers and four counselors. All of their services are free of charge.

I’ve been a part of the program for over twelve years giving time, talent and treasure. My husband Sandy has been right by my side supporting me and my efforts in their mission. We have been working towards creating an atmosphere of love, nurturance and compassion for the whole person, mind body and spirit. “Treat the whole person, not just the disease!” we’ve shouted. “Listen to me! Listen to us! Listen to all those who have had this disease! Hear us!” I’ve shouted it with all of my being, every cell, every way I know how and last night I was told by a gracious visionary, “I listened.” Thank you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart and from all of us who have worked so very hard to create a place of true healing. Let the healing begin.

January 21, 2012 In Uncategorized

Fun!

Affirmation: I have fun, fun!

My affirmation used to be, I have fun, fun, fun! But I was actually having too much fun. I could exhaust myself running from activity to activity, so I took off one of the “funs.” This may seem like a silly, trite affirmation but this one developed from the advice and example of a very dear friend and fellow breast cancer survivor. No matter what she was going through in her life she always focused on the fun; she focused on the upside of the challenges. She is inspirational in the way she attacks her experiences with joy and hope.

When I went for tests to prepare for chemotherapy treatments, I had a young male technician ask me why I was undergoing the tests and when I shared with him that I was beginning chemo on Wednesday for breast cancer he said, “Boy, I hope you’re doing something fun on Thursday.” I can still hear his voice and remember my shocked response. I was just getting ready. I hadn’t really planned for anything afterwards. To be honest, I was wondering if I’d even be able to get out of bed afterwards no less plan for something fun. But, that one statement sent me on a remarkable journey.

What was it that brought me joy? What did I like to do that was fun? Well, I had a list but my favorite thing was to invite my friends to my home for lunch or dinner. I’d have an after chemo luncheon! With the help of a dear friend, we sent out invitations to all those people who had reached out to me when they heard about my diagnosis. We invited them to lunch at my home and we invited them to bring a dish to share. Yes, I had several calls and messages asking me if I were sure about this decision and a couple of people who told me I was crazy but I assured them that this was what I wanted to do.

Seventy five people showed up for what was to be the first of four after chemo luncheons. I was not feeling my best, to put it mildly but I was having company and I needed to pull myself together and greet my guests and receive all the hugs and warm wishes they had brought with them. It was a marvelous event! I invited my yoga teacher to open with some pranayama (yogic breathing) and mediation. At each luncheon someone shared a meditation or a story with the group and helped us bless the food and the gathering before we came together to eat and visit and celebrate the healing process that I was undergoing. At the last three luncheons, I was bald and I was suffering some of the other effects of the treatments but it didn’t matter. I was surrounded by all these amazing people who had taken their time and energy and had chosen to come support me during this major life challenge.

Very few men came to the luncheons, although they were always included in the invitations. I can clearly recall the ones who chose to brave the onslaught of women attendees and step into a situation that is mostly female related. One of them was my brother. To my complete surprise he and his wife drove down from another state. This is one of the many gifts I gave myself when I decided to share my journey and my life with those who had shown me love and concern.

The question asked on that day of tests by that wonderful technician completely turned around my breast cancer treatment from scary and onerous to one that was nurturing and yes, fun! If one can turn chemo and radiation into a fun experience, I think she or he may only need to put two “funs” into their affirmation. In fact they may only need one “fun.” How many do you want in your affirmation? What’s something you are facing with trepidation that you might be able to turn around by finding some aspect that you can call “fun?”