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Jean A. Costa / Posts tagged "challenge"
July 20, 2014 In Women

Living an Intentional Life

Affirmation:  Everyday I
get to choose how I want to perceive my life experience.
Mo Martin won the Women’s British Open at Royal Birkdale in
England this July, 2014.  When she was
interviewed she mentioned her “intention” was to win the
tournament.  At the time she was ranked
99th on the tour and it appeared no one had her listed as a potential
champion.  She ended her win and her
final hole with an eagle, which means she had three shots on a hole on which a good
golfer would normally have five shots. 
As of this writing, I am lucky enough to be in the mountains of
North Carolina and once again I find myself playing golf.  If you follow this blog you know that golf is
not one of my gifts.  It’s something at
which I have to work very hard in order to play somewhat decently and to tell
the truth, I only work on it for the few weeks I’m up in the mountains.  I do, however, love the sport.  I share the time with my husband, Sandy.  He’s an amazing golfer and many times my son,
Joey, is with us.  Sometimes his
beautiful wife, Belen, comes along.  It’s
beautiful up here and the course we get to play on looks like a post card.  It’s so exhilarating when I actually hit that
little ball and it soars away down the fairway towards the pin.  I love it when I putt the ball and it rolls
along and plops in the hole.  I actually
love to watch someone else make a long difficult putt. It almost seems surreal
to me to finally have that tiny ball fall into that tiny spot on this huge
expanse of lawn.  I think a big part of
the excitement for me is that I’m so surprised and delighted when things
actually go better than I even imagined. 
I don’t intend to have a low expectation of my performance but after
years of playing I have come to recognize that I will probably remain a below
average player unless I decide to play more than just the month of July.  However, I always set an intention to do
well, for me, and to enjoy the day.   

The first time I heard the phase “take an intention”
was at a yoga class many years ago.  The
teacher did not provide any other guidance. 
She simply told us to “take an intention for your practice”
and then left us to figure it out.  I
remember it clearly.  The word
“gratitude” popped into my mind and so I embraced it and let it sit
with me for the hour.  Interestingly it
didn’t leave me at the end.  I found it
was with me as I went into the day and here I sit many years later still embracing
gratitude, every day.  When I teach I
always follow that same example.  I
encourage everyone to chant an “ohm” and to bring their palm together
in front of their heart and with their thumbs touching their heart I say
“Take an intention for this time you’re giving yourself.   Any word that comes to mind is
fine.”  And then at the end of our
practice, we repeat the chant and I remind the participants to recall the
intention they took at the beginning of class and encourage them to take it
with them into their day, and perhaps into their lives. 
That simple instruction so many years ago has had a very powerful
impact on my life.  I found myself taking
an intention each morning for the day. 
As I journal and pray in the morning, I wait to see what word or words
come to my awareness and I let them sit with me as I finish my quiet time and
then bring them with me into my day. 
It’s very seldom that something doesn’t come to the surface.  If not, I just let go for the day.  I decided also that I might as well take an
intention for each year.  I only began
this two years ago but it’s been a wonderful gift to give myself.  You may remember that my intention for 2014
is to, “connect to the Divine.” 
It’s been quite a journey so far and I’m looking forward to what the
rest of the year will present. 
When I listened to Mo Martin’s interview, I found her expression
of intent to be of interest.  I assume
she’s a yogini.  Maybe yes, maybe no, but
yogini or not, she has a remarkable attitude. 
She “took an intention” to win!  Yeah, Mo! 
Go girl!  Why not?  She set herself up for success.  She knew it was possible she wouldn’t win but
once she set that intention, she recognized that she could very well achieve
her goal.  She also said even when she
wasn’t playing well, when she wasn’t winning, she still woke up everyday with a
smile and a sense of excitement about being able to play. 
By living an intentional life it means you’ve given thought to
what you want your life to look like.  I
would imagine if you’re reading this you already are someone who is choosing
how to live your life but don’t assume that’s how most of the world lives.  Unfortunately, many people are faced with
such dire challenges they don’t have the energy to focus on choice. Others
simply have chosen not to choose but to let life and fate just play itself out.
Once you begin “taking an intention” you may find your day and
therefore you life takes on a richness that makes you feel like a winner no matter
what challenge life presents or at the very least, you wake up each morning,
like Mo, with a smile on your face and a sense of excitement about being able
to play, the game of life.

December 29, 2013 In Uncategorized

Year End Review

Affirmation:
I examine the past with an eye on my best
The
conversation revolved around how different generations use technology.  Adam, my daughter’s fiancé spoke with me about how those over 50 had to learn about social
media; how for those in their late 20’s and 30’s it was simply an extension of
the computer skills they learned as children and how those in their teens today have grown up with
social media.  It’s an integral part of
their life, like radio or TV is to some. 
He then went on to tell me that my 16 year old granddaughter will have a
complete photo history of her life not because we have been photographing her
since birth, which we have, but because she posts photos and everyday events on
the social media sites and has been for several years.  She has been carefully schooled by her
parents about the dangers of sharing too much information or about sharing inappropriate
information. So far, so good. After our discussion I found myself thinking how
nice it would be for me to have a complete record of my life.  The older I become, the more there is to
remember and the more I seemed to have forgotten.
For me,
recalling the past can sometimes be quite a challenge.  Unless, the event is tied to a significant emotional response. 
I have at least one friend who can remember the names of all her
teachers from elementary school through high school.  My sister can recognize people she hasn’t
seen in years and my husband’s ability to remember where we’ve traveled and
what we’ve done is amazing.  I on the
other hand really struggle with those skills. 
I do, however, remember holding my oldest daughter’s hand as we walked
together to her pre-school. I remember when my youngest crawled into bed with
me early in the morning to hug for a while before she went off to school and I
can recall every one of my son’s projects and there have been many, because of
the excitement he generated as he took them on. 

The TV
show Sixty Minutes had two separate programs about memory issues.  The first was about people who cannot
remember faces, not even the faces of their loved ones.  They are not ignorant by any means but that part of their brain simply doesn’t
hold that information.  The same program
also looked at people who had no directional skills.  They were lucky to get out of their own
homes.  That part of their brain didn’t
provide that skill.   On the second
program they interviewed people who could recall every moment of their lives as
if they had a file cabinet in their brains and they could access whatever
information they needed whenever they needed it.  At the time of the show, there were only
about a dozen people known world wide with this skill.  I am pleased to say,  I do not have any of these issues or
skills.  My memory is selective and
challenging but I can easily recognize my loved ones and many others and I have
a fairly strong sense of direction but whereas I would like to more clearly
remember my past, I would not want to carry every one of those memories with me
throughout my life.  I think that would
be overwhelming and exhausting. 

It is,
however, very important for me to review the past. It’s probably why I keep a
journal and a little pocket calendar where I write the day’s past events. For
me it’s like looking in the rear view mirror of the car before changing lanes
because them I am aware of what’s going on around me.  I have found it to be very helpful to put
together a yearly family photo calendar. 
Going back over the year’s significant events really helps me to recall
that which was important to me and what brought me joy.  Otherwise, the year all blends together.  Then the years all blend together and those
highlights I so enjoyed and those lessons I learned get lost.  It’s the difference between living a life of
many different colors and tastes and living one that’s gray and bland.

I have
a monthly and a yearly practice of asking myself 10 questions that I feel will
improve the quality of my life going forward. I gathered these several years
ago from a newspaper article by Sharon Randal from Henderson, Nevada.
1. What
was the hardest thing I had to do this year?
2. What
was the most fun?
3. What
were the milestones?
4. What
was my biggest accomplishment?
5.
What’s something I wanted to do but didn’t?
6. What
was my biggest surprise?
7. What
was the best thing I did for another?
8. What
was something I worried about that I don’t worry about now?
9. What
made me proud?
10.
Describe a moment I want to remember.
I feel
the only reason to review the past, is to find a way to live better in the
future. Look it over, learn the lesson and then let it go. The last part may be
the hardest lesson of all.
December 30, 2012 In Uncategorized

A Year End Review: Looking Back Before You Go Forward

Affirmation: I examine the past with an eye on my best future. 

 The conversation revolved around how different generations use technology.  Adam, my daughter’s fiancé spoke me about how those over 50 had to learn about social media; how for those in their late 20’s and 30’s it was simply an extension of the computer skills they learned as children and how those in their teens today have grown up with social media.  It’s an integral part of their life, like radio or TV is to some.  He then went on to tell me that my 15 year old granddaughter will have a complete photo history of her life not because we have been photographing her since birth, which we have, but because she posts photos and everyday events on the social media sites and has been for several years.  She has been carefully schooled by her parents about the dangers of sharing too much information or about sharing inappropriate information. So far, so good. After our discussion I found myself thinking how nice it would be nice for me to have a complete record of my life.  The older I become, the more there is to remember and the more I seemed to have forgotten.



Joey’s Sky Diving Team

For me, recalling the past can sometimes be quite a challenge.  Unless, the event is tied to a significant emotional response.  I have at least one friend who can remember the names of all her teachers from elementary school through high school.  My sister can recognize people she hasn’t seen in years and my husband’s ability to remember where we’ve traveled and what we’ve done is amazing.  I on the other hand really struggle with those skills.  I do, however, remember holding my oldest daughter’s hand as we walked together to her pre-school. I remember when my youngest crawled into bed with me early in the morning to hug for a while before she went off to school and I can recall every one of my son’s projects and there have been many, because of the excitement he generated as he took them on.  

The TV show Sixty Minutes had two separate programs about memory issues.  The first was about people who cannot remember faces, not even the faces of their loved ones.  They are not ignorant by any means but that part of their brain simply doesn’t hold that information.  The same program also looked at people who had no directional skills.  They were lucky to get out of their own homes.  That part of their brain didn’t provide that skill.   On the second program they interviewed people who could recall every moment of their lives as if they had a file cabinet in their brains and they could access whatever information they needed whenever they needed it.  At the time of the show, there were only about a dozen people know world wide with this skill.  I am pleased to say,  I do not have any of these issues or skills.  My memory is selective and challenging but I can easily recognize my loved ones and many others and I have a fairly strong sense of direction but whereas I would like to more clearly remember my past, I would not want to carry every one of those memories with me throughout my life.  I think that would be overwhelming and exhausting.  
It is, however, very important for me to review the past. It’s probably why I keep a journal and a little pocket calendar where I write the day’s past events. For me it’s like looking in the rear view mirror of the car before changing lanes because them I am aware of what’s going on around me.  I have found it to be very helpful to put together a yearly family photo calendar.  Going back over the year’s significant events really helps me to recall that which was important to me and what brought me joy.  Otherwise, the year all blends together.  Then the years all blend together and those highlights I so enjoyed and those lessons I learned get lost.  It’s the difference between living a life of many different colors and tastes and living one that’s gray and bland.
I have a monthly and a yearly practice of asking myself 10 questions that I feel will improve the quality of my life going forward. I gathered these several years ago from a newspaper article by Sharon Randal from Henderson, Nevada.
1. What was the hardest thing I had to do this year?
2. What was the most fun?
3. What were the milestones?
4. What was my biggest accomplishment?
5. What’s something I wanted to do but didn’t?
6. What was my biggest surprise?
7. What was the best thing I did for another?
8. What was something I worried about that I don’t worry about now?
9. What made me proud?
10. Describe a moment I want to remember.  

For me the moment I most want to remember is when most of my family took a trip to Disney World.  On our last evening there the other adults chose to go back to the condo.  I however, chose to hang out with my four grandchildren.  We spent the night watching the light shows, the fireworks and the people.  It warms my heart and feeds my soul to remember that evening.  

I feel the only reason to review the past, is to find a way to live better in the future. Look it over, learn the lesson and then let it go. The last part may be the hardest lesson of all.

June 2, 2012 In Uncategorized

Who Would You Die For?

Affirmation:
I
recognize and fully appreciate who and what are important to me in my life.

The
story was about Greg Gadson, a lieutenant colonel with the Second Battalion and
32nd Field Artillery.   He was stationed
in Bagdad when his vehicle hit a roadside bomb. 
He remembers being placed on a stretcher with his severed feet in his
lap.  The next time he was conscious both
his legs had been amputated above the knees. 
The picture in the paper showed a broad shouldered strong looking man
with shorts on and two artificial legs. 
The story went on to say that he had recently been given a role in the
movie Battleship.  His inspirational journey to healing had
brought him fame.  But, his journey
wasn’t just focused on himself; he had a message, a mission statement that he
had developed through his challenge back to wholeness and he was sharing it
with other service members.  His message
is, “Whenever you have a formidable task, instead of looking up, look
down.  Literally take it one step at a
time.  You’ll be overwhelmed by the
broader view.” I was inspired but I was also surprised by this
statement.  It seemed to me that he would
be very hesitant to look down.  The
article went on to say that this amazing man didn’t show one ounce of self
pity.  Wow!

I’ve
often wondered how I would respond, who I would be in times of great
challenge.  I’ve always wanted to believe
I’d be a heroine, that I would act honorably and bravely.  Certainly, I’ve had challenges in my life and
mostly I’ve responded with courage and integrity but when I read stories about
people like Greg Gadson, I do find myself wondering “what if that happened
to me?” There are so many tales of amazing people who have made
extraordinary efforts to help others at great cost to themselves, for some it
has cost them their lives.  These people
are not all past heroes, there are many with us today.  There is so much to be learned from them.

In
my Small Christian Community we often discuss the great sacrifice made by Jesus
Christ to lead us to a different, broader, more loving perception of God the
Father.  Often, the question arises
“Who would you die for?” And, I find myself thinking about all our
soldiers who have given their lives for us, in most cases for total strangers.

My
oldest daughter is an amazing mother. 
She’s exceptionally young looking. 
She’s always looked much younger than her years. (I like to think she
got that quality from me!)  She was
engaged when she was in her early 20’s. 
One day we went to the local department store to shop for a few wedding
accessories.  The saleswoman was shocked
when we told her we were there for my daughter’s wedding.  She said to my daughter in an indignant tone,
“How old are you?” I smiled because I knew she was going to be amazed
by the answer, in fact I’m not sure she believed us.  The reason I’m sharing this story is because
when my grand-daughter started school, the teacher took a very superior
attitude towards my daughter.  She really
thought she was a child raising a child but my daughter was older than she
realized and much much wiser than she ever imagined.  When it comes to her children, my daughter is
like a mother bear.  You do not want to
mess with her and I’m really proud of her for that.  Not that she dismisses the concerns of the
teachers but she carefully examines their reactions to her children and demands
a nonpartisan, professional attitude from them, as she should.  I mention this because most mothers will do
whatever it takes to protect their children.

I
took a one night self defense class many years ago and was instructed to
“bite the nose off” of my attacker. 
All the women in the class moaned in disgust.  Then the instructor said “Make believe
he’s attacking your daughter.” The entire atmosphere then changed.  There was not one woman there who wasn’t
ready to do whatever it took to make sure their child was safe.  I’ve never watched Sophie’s Choice.  I know the premise of the story was she had
to choose which of her children would live and who would die.  I can’t even imagine such a situation and I
don’t want to watch someone have to make such a decision but many people are
faced with impossible decisions many of which I hope I’m never faced with.

The
question not only revolves around “who?” but “what?”.
“What would you die for?” “What do you hold so precious that you
would give up your life?”  The young
men and women who serve in our armed forces hold our way of life here in
America so precious that they are willing to die for it.  I don’t fully agree with all of the wars
America has chosen to participate in. 
I’m not sure how I would have responded to being drafted to fight in
Vietnam.  It was one more decision I
wasn’t faced with.  But, we have lost so
many young, very young, men and women to so many conflicts.  It’s heartbreaking.

I
was sitting in a waiting room at UNC hospital one day when a young man in
uniform walked in.  I watched in awe and
with a sense of shame as one of the other women who was also waiting, got up
and went over to the soldier and simply said “thank you.” Thank  you!  I
found it to be such a powerful gesture. 
I haven’t let a soldier pass me by since then without stopping them and
saying “thank you.”

What
is the message here?  All of us have
something or someone we are willing to die for. 
And, all of us have something or someone we are willing to lived
for.  It’s important to know, to take the
time to recognize what’s important to you. 
It’s nice to have the luxury of not being in a horrible situation before
you find out what or who they are.  Think
about it and maybe you’ll be able to fully recognize and appreciate who and
what are of the greatest importance in your life and be grateful while you
still have the time to say “thank you.”
April 25, 2012 In Uncategorized

Outward Bounds

Affirmation: I embrace stepping outside of my comfort zone.  
I’m a
huge fan of the TV show Dancing with the Stars. I’ve been a fan since the very
beginning. I jokingly say it’s because there’s no sex, violence or foul
language. I can watch it with my grandchildren or my mother. How many shows are
out there that meet those qualifications? I also love to dance.

On the show, about a dozen celebrities learn to dance different ballroom dances with a professional dancer. They get to wear these sparkly, colorful, fun costumes and learn a new dance or two each week until the final week when one of the couples is declared the champion for that season and they get the famed Mirrorball Trophy. It’s such fun to see the people progress. I find it very inspirational. Sometimes there are celebrities who have serious disabilities but they don’t let that stop them. In 2011 TJ Martinez won the title. He was a wounded Iraq war veteran with serious burns to his whole body, including his face. He actually lost an ear in the explosion. Did that keep him from giving it his all? When I watched him dance and saw the joy that emanated from his whole being, I completely forgot about his disfigurement. I obviously wasn’t the only one because he was that year’s champion.  
On
the show, about a dozen celebrities learn to dance different ballroom dances
with a professional dancer. They get to wear these sparkly, colorful, fun
costumes and learn a new dance or two each week until the final week when one
of the couples is declared the champion for that season and they get the famed
Mirrorball Trophy. It’s such fun to see the people progress. I find it very
inspirational. Sometimes there are celebrities who have serious disabilities
but they don’t let that stop them. In 2011 TJ Martinez won the title. He was a
wounded Iraq war veteran with serious burns to his whole body, including his
face. He actually lost an ear in the explosion. Did that keep him from giving
it his all? When I watched him dance and saw the joy that emanated from his
whole being, I completely forgot about his disfigurement. I obviously wasn’t
the only one because he was that year’s champion.

Sherri
Shephard, from the TV program The View was one of the contestants this year,
2012. She was determined to do well. She wasn’t a little lady and I could only
imagine how mentally and physically challenging it was for her to learn those
dances. She really wanted to win. She was traveling between the show she
regularly hosts in NY City and the Dancing show in Los Angeles. It must have
been a grueling schedule. I know she had all the advantages that money can
provide but it doesn’t lessen the hard work she had to put forth. She was
eliminated in week four. She cried and cried. But, before they could say
goodbye, she had something she wanted to share with the viewers. “If you don’t go towards the thing you fear, you won’t be
able to say you lived.” She went on to say that you should run towards that
thing you fear because what you’ll find on the other side, is simply amazing.
I mentioned to several of my friends that I was somewhat afraid
of my upcoming trip to South America. One of them said, “Oh, Jean, that’s
great! Because when you come home, you’ll feel so good about what you’ve done.”
I know she’s right. Her comment gave me a sense of optimism and excitement,
instead of dread and anxiety.

My husband and I did an Outward Bound in 2000. We spent 5 days
canoeing through the Everglades. Now, I want to share that I am a city girl. I
was raised in Queens, New York. Our home was on Grand Central Parkway. I mean,
right on it. I was riding the buses and the trains by myself by the time I was
10. The “country” was the property fenced in around the hospitals that bordered
our three block neighborhood. And now, I’ve been invited by my husband (born in
Brooklyn) to go on an Outward Bound. He was on the Outward Bound board and
thought this was a good idea. I got a tape about the Everglades. There were
snakes and alligators, not to mention other creepy crawly things. But this was
the year after I finished treatment for breast cancer and I figured if I could
go through that, I could probably canoe through the swamps. I invited a friend
to go with us and she was shocked, “What is the purpose of this excursion?”
Well, if you needed to ask that, I figured you really didn’t need to come
along.

So, we went. We brought along our son who was in his twenties
and our teenage daughter. The good news when we arrived was that we weren’t
going to be in the swamp, we were canoeing through the Thousand Islands. Whew!!
On our first night we had to create an island. We took boards from the bottom
of the canoes and lashed them together on top of the canoes. This was our
“home” for the night. My first night to ever sleep outside, outside under a sky
that had more stars than I had ever seen before. I learned a lot during those
days. I learned that my daughter was an amazing person. She never complained.
She just did whatever was needed, my son too. My husband was as kind and
gracious in the wild as he is in civilization and I learned that I could be an
indian or a chief. I could both follow and lead, whatever was required. And, I
learned that I could survive in a situation I never even imagined. Now, when
Sandy and I find ourselves doing something that’s challenging, outside of our
comfort zones, we refer to it as an “outward bound experience.” It’s funny how
often we find ourselves in that kind of a position. The purpose of going
outside of your comfort zone it to empower you, that’s the purpose. Life is
challenging, there’s no two ways about it. The only way to bolster your
confidence is to do those things that frighted you, “to run towards them” as
Sherri said. You not only receive the gift of empowerment, many times you find
joy and fulfillment from making your way to a whole new place.

Fear is a debilitating disease. I believe we make more decisions
based on fear than any other reason. It needs to be recognized and overcome.
There’s a wonderful tale about a guru who treks all over the land, sharing his
wisdom and compassion. One day, he decides to return home. When he walks into
his house, he is met by several huge ferocious monsters. They are drooling and
their fangs are bared. He looks at them and asks, “Why are you here? What is it
that you need?” and half of them disappear. He then asks the others, “Why are
you here? Is there something I can do for you?” and they disappear, all except
one. He is the biggest and the most frightening of all of them. He is growling
and hissing and drooling but the guru is calm. He goes up to the monster and he
puts his head into his mouth and with that, the monster evaporates.

This is the challenge; to face our fears with love and
compassion, to put our heads into the monsters of life. Sometimes we get to
choose our outward bounds and sometimes they are thrust upon us but if we have
faced those events that take us out of ourselves and we’ve survived, we will be
as prepared as possible for those events that we never even imagined.