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Manifesting True Dreams

Affirmaion:  I am always manifesting, I manifest to my highest and best.

This week, the third week of February 2012 marks the opening of the new Cancer Center at Duke University Hospital and my husband, Sandy and I were invited to a couple of the ceremonies marking the occasion. 

The new center was the dream of Victor Dzau, the chancellor and CEO of the Duke University Hospital system.  Many people told him it was a crazy idea, an impossible idea for many reasons but especially because of the economy but he refused to believe them.  He had this vision and he set out to make it come true.  This week it became a reality.

I love to see dreams come true.  It’s one of my daily prayers for my children and my grandchildren.  It’s great when I’m a part of it but even if I’m just the observer and can be present for the event, I am thrilled.  Sandy and I went to Nashville for one of my significant birthdays and for part of our trip, we toured the Ryman Auditorium.  It’s the home of the original Grand Old Opry.  We were on the tour with one other couple.  They seemed like simple people.  They were farmers from somewhere in the south.  When we reached the dressing room that use to be Johnny Cash’s the man from the other couple became very quiet.  His wife leaned over to us and said, “Being here is his dream come true.”  To this day I can remember the feeling of honor I had at being present when this man’s dream came true, even something as simple as a trip to the Ryman Auditorium.
It’s been twelve years, almost thirteen that I’ve been out of cancer treatments but I can still feel, with every one of my senses what it was like to walk into the old cancer center.  It filled me with dread.  It was dark and overflowing with people and it had a strange odor.  If my husband had not been at my side, I’m not sure I could have remained standing.  After the visit with the doctor, we then toured the infusion center, the chemo room.  If the hospital seemed to me like a foreign country, the chemo room seemed like an alien planet.  I couldn’t breathe.  And, I knew this was my future, my destiny and my hope.

Fifty thousand people came to be treated at the Duke Cancer Center in 2011.  They came from all over the world. One of the speakers at the ribbon cutting called cancer “the scourge of the 21st century.”  I am sure it has touched your life either you personally or someone you know and love or worse yet, knew and loved.

When I finished treatment, I had an End of Radiation Celebration and invited anyone who had helped me along the journey: family, friends, doctors, nurses and technicians.  I took the opportunity to accept donations toward the Duke Cancer Patient Support Program.  They had helped me so much through some very difficult stages and I wanted to give back.  A friend and I made an appointment with the then head of the Cancer Center and gave him the donations and told him something needed to be done to make the place softer, more comfortable, less frightening.  He said he understood our concerns and he agreed but it was an issue with money and it probably wasn’t going to happen.

Yesterday when I walked into our new building and then into our new Self Image Boutique, I cried.  I know I’m not the only one.  One other survivor was there with me and she too had tears in her eyes.  It’s a beautiful room full of light and soft colors and hope.  The lobby of the new building has a fireplace and a piano and light pouring in from cathedral like windows.  The floor has inscribed in it word of faith and hope that came from the book Finding the Can in Cancer written by four women cancer patients who worked and volunteered with the Duke Cancer Patient Support Program.  The infusion center has small private rooms with TVs and recliners and looks out over a roof top garden. 

I know people who come there for treatment will still be frightened, confused and overwhelmed.  Cancer creates those emotions in the patient and their loved ones but maybe now with a softer, kinder environment and state of the art technology, people will know they will not just be cared for but as the Duke Cancer Patient Support Program mission statements says, “they will be cared about.”

Victor Dzau looked at me that evening and said, “Jean, you have been a big part of this happening.”  I thought. “He’s such a nice man and so good at his job.  No wonder he’s accomplished this amazing feat.  He makes everyone feel important and valued.”  But, that’s not fair is it?  It’s not fair to me and it’s not fair to him.  Our program which began twenty five years ago by Rachel Schanberg at the bequest of her young daughter Linda has been working for compassionate care of the whole person since its inception.  It began in a closet with eighteen volunteers.  Now, they have over two hundred and fifty volunteers and four counselors.  All of their services are free of charge. 
I’ve been a part of the program for over twelve years giving time, talent and treasure.  My husband Sandy has been right by my side supporting me and my efforts in their mission.  We have been working towards creating an atmosphere of love, nurturance and compassion for the whole person, mind body and spirit.  “Treat the whole person, not just the disease!” we’ve shouted.  “Listen to me!  Listen to us!  Listen to all those who have had this disease!  Hear us!”  I’ve shouted it with all of my being, every cell, every way I know how and last night I was told by a gracious visionary, “I listened.”  Thank you.  Thank you from the bottom of my heart and from all of us who have worked so very hard to create a place of true healing.  Let the healing begin.

Fun!

Affirmation:  I have fun, fun!
My affirmation used to be, I have fun, fun, fun!  But I was actually having too much fun.  I could exhaust myself running from activity to activity, so I took off one of the “funs.”  This may seem like a silly, trite affirmation but this one developed from the advice and example of a very dear friend and fellow breast cancer survivor.  No matter what she was going through in her life she always focused on the fun; she focused on the upside of the challenges.  She is inspirational in the way she attacks her experiences with joy and hope. 
When I went for tests to prepare for chemotherapy treatments, I had a young male technician ask me why I was undergoing the tests and when I shared with him that I was beginning chemo on Wednesday for breast cancer he said, “Boy, I hope you’re doing something fun on Thursday.”  I can still hear his voice and remember my shocked response.  I was just getting ready.  I hadn’t really planned for anything afterwards.  To be honest, I was wondering if I’d even be able to get out of bed afterwards no less plan for something fun.  But, that one statement sent me on a remarkable journey.

What was it that brought me joy?  What did I like to do that was fun?  Well, I had a list but my favorite thing was to invite my friends to my home for lunch or dinner.  I’d have an after chemo luncheon!  With the help of a dear friend, we sent out invitations to all those people who had reached out to me when they heard about my diagnosis.  We invited them to lunch at my home and we invited them to bring a dish to share.  Yes, I had several calls and messages asking me if I were sure about this decision and a couple of people who told me I was crazy but I assured them that this was what I wanted to do.

Seventy five people showed up for what was to be the first of four after chemo luncheons.  I was not feeling my best, to put it mildly but I was having company and I needed to pull myself together and greet my guests and receive all the hugs and warm wishes they had brought with them.  It was a marvelous event!  I invited my yoga teacher to open with some pranayama (yogic breathing) and mediation.  At each luncheon someone shared a meditation or a story with the group and helped us bless the food and the gathering before we came together to eat and visit and celebrate the healing process that I was undergoing.  At the last three luncheons, I was bald and I was suffering some of the other effects of the treatments but it didn’t matter.  I was surrounded by all these amazing people who had taken their time and energy and had chosen to come support me during this major life challenge.
Very few men came to the luncheons, although they were always included in the invitations.  I can clearly recall the ones who chose to brave the onslaught of women attendees and step into a situation that is mostly female related.  One of them was my brother.  To my complete surprise he and his wife drove down from another state.  This is one of the many gifts I gave myself when I decided to share my journey and my life with those who had shown me love and concern. 

The question asked on that day of tests by that wonderful technician completely turned around my breast cancer treatment from scary and onerous to one that was nurturing and yes, fun!  If one can turn chemo and radiation into a fun experience, I think she or he may only need to put two “funs” into their affirmation.  In fact they may only need one “fun.” How many do you want in your affirmation?  What’s something you are facing with trepidation that you might be able to turn around by finding some aspect that you can call “fun?”