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Jean A. Costa / Posts tagged "dreams"
July 4, 2013 In Uncategorized

Never Give Up

Affirmation:  Because of visualization and dedication, I am
a remarkable golfer and a terrific fiddler.

Once
again I am learning about who I am and how I approach life by two of the more
challenging hobbies I have chosen to pursue for these many years.  I hate to quit at something I’ve made up my
mind to learn.  My learning style is more
about being slow and steady.  I have
discovered that as long as I don’t give up, sooner or later I can become fairly
proficient at what I want to do.  I do
have a tendency to think of myself as a “jack of all trades, a master of
none.”  That’s not a very positive
affirmation, is it?  In some ways it has
served me well because I will attempt to do something regardless of my
knowledge or skill level.  I don’t think
I have to be perfect.  I don’t expect
perfection so why not give it a shot. 
Unfortunately for me, however, I have a tendency to focus on those
things at which I am not exceptional and not claim those skills at which I am
very accomplished.  There are things I do
very well.  There are skills and talents
of which I have pursued and worked hard and feel good about but there are those
of which I have told myself I will never be masterful.  I’ve often thought there are just some things
where I reach my level of mediocrity and can’t seem to break through it or
chose not to break through it.  Golf and
fiddling are two of those things. I thought I’d made peace with that.  I thought I was just fine still plugging
along and not seeing any great improvement until my chiropractor, Joanne Noel,
took some time to help me reframe my intentions. 

I
mentioned my playing golf during my visit to her.  I’m sure I didn’t sound too excited.  “Really” I tell myself and
sometimes others, “I just play to keep my husband company and to be with
my son and daughter-in-law.  If I don’t
keep score, I’m a really good golfer. I am!”  But, I don’t know how to not keep score.  Even when I don’t write it down, I find
myself counting each stroke in my head. 
At the end of 18 holes I always know how many times I have swung the
club and it’s always a lot of times.  I
really don’t understand it.  I have a few
flubs now and then but if you were watching me I think you’d see that I hit the
ball fairly far, I have a nice short game and I’ve become a pretty good putter
but when I add all that up, it’s always a lot. 
How does one determine if a score represents a lot of swings?  It’s determined by one’s handicap and my
handicap is the highest a woman can have. 
This after playing this sport as of this year for 46 years!  

There is
not a numerical handicap to determine one’s fiddling skill.  As of this writing I  haven’t been playing the fiddle for 46
years.  I really wish I had been.  I imagine I’d be much more skilled.  Although, if my golfing skills are an
indication of how long it would take before I became a master, it might not
make much of a difference but I do imagine, I actually dream that if I’d
learned to play as a child and had practiced and played all these many years, I
would play with abandonment and I’d make this wonderful sound and perhaps I
could even play by ear.  I’d be able to
join any jam session and when the song began there I’d be fiddling along either
picking up the tune or adding to the beat with my knowledge and skill.  It’s a dream. 
It’s good to have dreams but you can sit around forever wishing
something to be true and if it involves learning and practice, it will never
happen. Never! Never! Never! 

My music
teacher, Mara Shea sent me the link to this You-tube video: Never Give Up.  If you have anything in your life you’re
working at improving, I highly recommend watching it.  It’s not about golfing or fiddling.  It’s the heroic story of a Gulf War veteran
who was left severely handicapped after his time of service.  He was told he would never be able to walk on
his own again.  It took quite a while but
he decided they were wrong and he found a teacher and began practicing
yoga.  It documents his journey.  With dedication and persistence he completely
changed his life.  I wasn’t sure if Mara
sent it to me because I am a Yoga teacher and she knew I’d love it or because
she wanted me to know that if I continue to practice and not give up, someday
my dream of being a terrific fiddler will finally come true.  Regardless of her reason, I found it to be
moving and motivational. 

My
chiropractor, Joanne Noel responded to my comments about my golf game by
telling me the story of a patient of hers who after years of being a sub par
golfer one day decided to become a scratch golfer.  That’s someone with a zero handicap.  Joanne shared that her patient hadn’t yet
reached her goal and maybe she never would but that her patient now had a
remarkable golf game.  Remarkable!  Right then and there I knew I would one day
have a remarkable golf game.  Mara Shea
encourages me to become the best fiddler I can possibly be.  She’d love to see my dream of being a
terrific fiddler come true.  Michelangelo
said, “The greatest danger for most of us is not that our aim is too high
and we miss it, but that it is too low and we reach it.”  I have been aiming too low.  But now, I am not going to simply sit around
and wish that I become a remarkable golfer and a terrific fiddler, I have a new
affirmation and I’ve already seen the beginnings of its power.  I have a vision and I am ready to work. 

What are
your visions?  What dreams do you have
that you are willing to work at?  I could
continue writing this blog.  It’s such a
powerful concept, the concept of visualizing our lives and then stepping up our
efforts to bring our visualization into reality but, I have to go practice the
fiddle and later today, I will be practicing my golf swing.  I took a lesson this week and I need to
relearn the way I hit my clubs.  I can
already see that if I practice this new technique my swing will be more consistent
and the ball will go further.  I can see
that handicap score lowering any day now and I can hear that jam session
calling me.  I’m getting ready!
October 17, 2012 In Uncategorized

May All Your Dreams Come True

Affirmation:  By pursuing my dreams, I help to make the world a better place. 
The newspaper article was about an organization called Wish of a Lifetime.  It explained it isn’t the only organization of its type.  There is also The Twilight Wish Foundation, The Bucket List foundation, Forever Young Senior Wish Organization and S.H.O.W. (Seniors Having One Wish.)  They all have the same goal; to grant a wish to an elderly person who is in desperate need of a morale booster.  The article’s photo was of centenarian Miriam Krause.  She was shown in the basket of a hot air balloon.  She had requested a ride for her 100th birthday.
 
 How do you feel about seeing dreams come true?  One of my prayers for my children is for “true dreams.”  My husband’s philosophy regarding a parent’s happiness is, “On any given day most parents are as happy as their unhappiest child.”  When he first shared this with me our children were teenagers.  Now, they are adults and that philosophy is as true today as it was then.  Therefore, it is my best interest to pray that their dreams come true.  Now, I have added my grandchildren.  Actually, my daily prayers request God’s “favor and blessings” on everyone I pray for, those I pray for by name and those in the world “who most need Your mercy.” 
Do you have a bucket list?  In case you need help putting one together there are all sorts of web sites that have lists on them to help you along.  One such site is Bucketlist.org.  It actually offers “10,000 things to do before you die.”  The first time I became familiar with the term, Bucket List, was from the 2007 movie by the same name starting Jack Nicholson & Morgan Freeman.  As of this writing, Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman are still going strong and I would imagine there isn’t much on which they have missed out. 
I was surprised that it’s fairly common for teenagers to have bucket lists.  My granddaughter has one.  So far, I think the fun for her is discovering those things she wants to add to the list.  Certainly, I hope she has as long as Jack or Morgan to work on checking off her dreams. 

Our dream list can be very different at different times, just like our prayer list.  In times of peace, our dreams can be very specific, like a new house or a vacation or perhaps time to enjoy our favorite activity.  When my husband and I went on a tour of the Ryman Auditorium in Nashville we were paired with another couple.  The Ryman is the original home of the Grand Ole Opry.  As we were escorted into Johnny Cash’s dressing room, I noticed the gentleman on the tour with us became very quiet.  He almost looked like he couldn’t catch his breath.  I looked at him with concern when his wife spoke, “This is his dream come true.  He has always wanted to see the Ryman and where Johnny Cash had his dressing room.”  I loved being in this place with this man when he realized one of his dreams. 

In times of strife, our dream list can be more universal.  Our dream may be for a world filled with peace, good health and safety for all.  For me, the greatest dreams are those that will improve the world’s conditions.  Of course, one cannot deny that when an individual makes his or her dream come true, the world does become a better place.  But, when I see and read about those people who dream really really big and bring them into reality, I am awed.  In the same newspaper issue that had the Wish of a Lifetime story, there was also a story about Hunger in the USA.  It highlighted several organizations that glean food. “Volunteers descend on farm fields and reclaim some of the estimated 7 billion pounds of fresh produce left in the fields or sent to landfills each year, recovering it for the plates of millions who can’t afford it,” according to Chuck Raasch of USA Today.  Many of the volunteers are school aged children.  Gleaning is not something new.  It was practiced as far back as biblical times.  I like to imagine, however, that the modern creation of gleaning was someone’s dream.  They saw the waste and decided to gather it up to feed the hungry. 
My church, Saint Michael the Archangel in Cary has a sister parish in Honduras.  Each year we contribute to the needs of the people in that parish.  We provide books and clothing for children, build buildings, provide medicine and the ability to acquire clean water.  A team of parishioners travel there each year to do whatever they can for the sister-parish.  My daughter in law, Belen Baca Costa and her family have an organization that raises money for the poor of Ecuador so the children will have presents at Christmas time and those families, therefore, won’t be forced to beg on the streets (http://hotelcotopaxiecuador.com/NoBeggingProject/tabid/333/Default.aspx)  When I was at the John C Campbell Folk School, my teacher, Patricia Sprinkle, author and creative writing teacher, shared the story of her journey to India to teach creative writing to the “untouchables” and of her work in the Church of the Brethren with whom she had recently led a group to help children in Louisiana after hurricane Isaac.   Thank God, these are just a tiny example of the good people who are doing by pursuing their dreams.
Of course, one need not look to or go to a foreign country to make a positive difference.  Every day people walk out their front doors and head off to help others.  Our volunteers can be found in hospitals, homeless shelters, food banks and schools to name just a few.  I myself had the dream of creating a yoga retreat for breast cancer survivors and from that dream came the Pink Ribbon Yoga Retreat (.org)
Organizations that are born from the dream of someone who wants to make a difference in our world must also be part of God’s dream.  End abuse, cure cancer, bring solace to suffering, food to the hungry, shelter to the homeless; the dreams of a higher order and each individual who steps out to add to the comfort, to bring “favor and blessings” to another are part of the vision our world so desperately needs. 
There are so many dreamers in our world.  What’s one of yours?  So many dreamers have made their dreams reality.  Whether it’s a trip to a far away place, a new charitable endeavor or a ride in a balloon, it’s important to pursue our dreams. Yes, each time a dream comes true, the world becomes a brighter place and isn’t that exactly what the world needs, more joy and more light?

May 26, 2012 In Uncategorized

Living An Unexpected Life

Affirmation:
I let go of regret.

What
did you dream your life would be like? 
Do you still have dreams and expectations about how your life will be in
the future?  It seems there’s been so
much written about “bucket lists,” things people always wanted to do
but never got around to and so they are making an extra effort to do it now
before it’s too late.  There’s been a
movie by that title and there’s a country-western song about it too.  I certainly have a list.  Mostly it involves places I’d like to see
before I die.  My husband bought me a
book called, A Thousand Places to See Before You Die. I immediately
started going through it to see where I had not been.  He was looking at it too but he was noting
all the places we’d already been, two very different perspectives.

According
to my Ennegram type, type 7, I am always looking for the next experience, the
next adventure.  My “type” is
not easily content.  I am always on the
lookout for what I might have missed.  In
some ways it makes life exciting but in other ways it can prevent me from
relishing the present, always looking forward. 
For me, dreaming and planning for the future lead me to feeling
optimistic.  I like believing there will
be a future to plan for.  But, I believe it’s
also important to let go of things we imagined might have been.

I
once mentioned to a woman that as a young woman, I had dreamed of living and
working in Manhattan.  She told me it was
never too late to pursue a dream.  I
believe that but I think sometimes it’s better to let go of some dreams.  I expected to graduate from college and head
off to NYC.  I never dreamed of being on
Broadway, I wanted to be on Wall Street. 
But, my life took me in another direction.  No, I made decisions which led me to suburbia
and even further out into rural America. 
I’ve lived in several states but I’ve never lived in “the
city.” Sometimes, I found myself fantasizing about the life I had dreamed
about.  It was very different from the
life I had.  Boy, was I good at imagining
all the wonderful experiences and adventures I would have had.

I
attended a retreat once with a woman who had six children.  She also had a sister who had become a
cloistered nun.  She told us she was much
younger than her sister and was very confused and saddened by her sister’s
choice.  She said she could only go visit
her once a year and it was so quiet and seemed so lonely.  Then, she shared that after being married for
twenty years and raising six children, she’d had many moments when she wished
she’d joined the convent.  I know she was
teasing us but there was also an element of truth in her statement.

The
story in the cartoon UP, revolves around a married couple who had a dream about
moving to an exotic country and living above the waterfalls.  Every year they saved for their travel and
every year something came along that derailed their adventure.  When the wife dies, the man who is now quite
elderly and very depressed decides it’s finally time to give it a go.  He attaches hundreds of balloons to the top
of his house and he floats away to find the waterfalls.  Once again, he’s derailed but this time he
has a new friend, a young boy who has hidden away in his house, who helps him
see the world differently.  In looking
over his wife’s “dream journal” he realizes she had added pictures to
the album that had nothing to do with their ultimate goal of moving to the
exotic location, she’s added pictures of their life together.  She’s added pictures of the adventure they’d
had, pictures of their life’s journey.

There’s
a study that shows people age better when they can let go of regret.  Carol Klein addressed this issue in her book
“Overcoming Regret.” What happens when we hang onto regret is that we
idealize a situation that may have turned out completely different from our
imagination.  Once we realize that we
don’t have a clue how something would have turned out, perhaps if we could even
imagine how horrible it might have been rather than some fantasy we’ve been
clinging to, maybe then we can let go of that regret and fully appreciate the
life we have.

The
title of Queen Noor’s book is, A Leap of Faith, Memories of an Unexpected
Life. I wondered when I saw that title how many people have lived an
expected life.  I took a small survey and
asked several friends if they’d lived an “expected life.” I only had
one person say “yes.” What is your answer? I can tell you right now,
I never dreamed of the life I’ve lived and am now living.  Never, never did I imagine myself living in
North Carolina surrounded by my family. 
I never thought I’d travel to China or Ecuador or some of the other
amazing places I’ve been.  My life has
been a series of adventures and mysteries and it’s been great!  Once I was able to let go of the “what
might have been”, like the man in UP, I was able to appreciate what has
been.

Perhaps
the secret is not let go of our dreams, even our “bucket lists” but
to let go of expecting life to be exactly as we imagined and to embrace it as
it is, to relish all we have experienced, all we have learned.  Perhaps the secret is to treasure whatever
life has afforded us, the expected and the unexpected.