journal – Jean A. Costa

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October 29, 2015 In Affirmations

Legions of Angels

Affirmation: I believe I am surrounded and supported by Christ and His legions of Angels and spiritual guides. I am empowered and feel nurtured when I stop and recognize their presence.

belleruth-1 When I first listened to Belleruth Naparstek’s CD, Guided Mediation to Help with Chemotherapy I was greatly comforted by her description of spiritual beings who came to assist me with my
healing, “some of which look familiar.” As I listened I clearly envisioned the presence of several ethereal beings and yes, one looked very familiar. He was my father, Francis Grolimund, long
deceased but whose memory and presence always seems to be lingering about me. I’ve listened to and played that recording dozens of times. I love to end a yoga session with it. It’s full of
hope and tools to encourage healing.

I’ve been dealing with a chronic ache the last year and a half and found myself feeling weak and discouraged. I’d done all within my power to help my body heal, much of which revolved around alternative healing. I did go the western medicine route also but that too did not present an answer.

journal-1 When I journal I’m usually writing a stream of consciousness. I do always try to focus on three joys from the day before and list one for the day to come but otherwise it’s just my form of rambling and dumping. It’s a gift I give myself. I love the practice. One day, however, I remembered my friend’s approach to her morning ritual. Joan Junginger often talks about her “coffee with Jesus.” Periodically I’ve tried writing to God or the Angels. It never seemed to resolve anything but I was becoming quite desperate and decided this one morning to give it another try and to write that letter to Jesus and see if anything new appeared.

When Joan, cofounder of The Heart’s Journey, leads retreats which she recently did for a large group of women at St. Michael the Archangel and which I had attended, she normally encourages the participants to write such a letter and then she instructs them to write a letter to themselves from Jesus. I heard some remarkable stories from a few of the women who had been doing this exercise for a several years. I’m sure that’s why the journaling on this one morning was taking on a new twist.

ScreenShot2015-10-28at8.32.03PM As I wrote out my concerns to the Lord I found a name appearing on the page that I hadn’t thought about in a very long time. This woman, Suzanne Egan, is a massage therapist and a health and wellness coach. She’s lived and worked in my area for many years and is very knowledgeable about the different physicians and practices. I had struggled with a hip issue for many
years when I first showed up at her practice and with her guidance I was led to Sangini Rane of Apex PT, who specializes in Postural Restoration Therapy and who guided me to a pain free hip. After my journaling was done I immediately contacted Suzanne. Luckily she was still at the same number. She responded right away and had several suggestions for my latest challenge that I had not fully investigated. Even better was the fact that she had a couple of clients who had dealt successfully with the same issue. She contacted them and got their referrals and then made a few more recommendations of her own. I know you’ve had this experience too. I was being given the gift of hope.

creatingpositive Then too as I wrote I began to value all the years and hours I had put into my prayer life. I don’t always take credit for the fact that I’ve been practicing my faith for my whole
life and I’ve been especially fervent for the last 40 plus years. Each morning I invite all my Angels and especially my guardian Angel, Saranna, and my guides to join me. It’s the prayer I say when I wake and as I begin my journaling. It’s on the last page of my book, Creating Positive Affirmations,Living an Intentional Life.

Lord, be united with me
this day and always. I invite You and
all those who nurture and guide me,
seen and unseen to aid me in bringing glory and honor and praise to this gift
of life You have so generously given me.

This particular morning I found myself picturing those spiritual beings manifesting themselves around me but it felt different. For the first time I felt the presence of a legion of beings, not just the few I’d always called upon. I felt like a curtain had been raised. I hadn’t been able to see everyone who answered my call until that day. I had been limiting God’s response. I was shocked to realize my small mindedness. I’ve always known we get to choose whether to go to God in prayer with a thimble, a bucket or a pipeline but I hadn’t let the knowledge go from my head into my heart and this day, for the first time, it weaved it’s way right down into the center of my being.

JesusandAngels I created a new affirmation to cement the concept and have been saying it and writing it every day since then.

I believe I
am surrounded and supported by Christ and His legions of Angels and spiritual
guides. I am empowered and feel nurtured when I stop and recognize their
presence.

I’ve even had visions of those animated armies you see in some of the sci-fi films. The ones where the beings cover the entire landscape and keep coming over the hills and ridges. I know it sounds extreme, maybe a little (?) crazy but just like all my affirmations, it brings me a sense of calm and even power, which I had misplaced while dealing with this issue.

I’ve followed Suzanne’s recommendations and I’m saying my affirmation daily to tap into the Divine army available to my loved ones and me. I can’t tell you at this time if I’m cured but something very deep within me has shifted and I am not carrying around that initial sense of weakness and powerlessness any longer. I’ve been here before with other physical challenges especially with my hip and many years ago with breast cancer and I must say this is a good place. My heart and my head are finally united and I’m in a place of hope and positive expectation.

guides-1 I share this with you in case you too have been going to God with just a small container, not attaching the pipeline that is right there in front of you. Perhaps, you too will begin to
envision a legion of spiritual beings surrounding you and protecting you and giving you the support with whatever you’re dealing so that you too will experience hope and peace and feel strong and powerful.

“May the power of angels come to greet you may they lead you to paradise,” both here and in the hereafter.

November 10, 2013 In Faith

Not if, When

Affirmation: I know life will present many challenges and
I have a tool box filled with lots of helpful equipment.

The
conversation was about the chaotic state of my home because of a
renovation. Oh, I fully recognized the
blessing of being able to perform a renovation but the project had now been
going on for months and was running much longer than had been estimated.

I was
tired. Way too much energy was being
expended on this, not to mention money and I wanted to put my home back in
order. The homeowner I was speaking with
had just completed building a house, not on her own but she was responsible for
all of the decisions and it was a beautiful home, the most stunning home I
could ever remember being in. She
explained to me that one shouldn’t be asking themselves about the
“ifs” one might experience during the building process but one should
recognize that there would be “whens” and the real question was how
was one going to deal with them? What
did one need to do to be prepared when issues would come along?

I am an
optimist by choice. When someone tells
me something is going to go well and work out, I choose to believe them. It’s not always the truth. Stuff still happens but I haven’t focused on
what might go wrong. I am that person who creates positive affirmations. I am that person who expects things to go
right.

The
Buddhists say one should imagine the glass broken. The Christians refer to the “practice of
faith” and the yogi studies a Klesha called raga which refers to an attachment to pleasure. Whatever faith you look at they all have one
very important feature in common; they recognize that life is not a bowl of
cherries. Life has pits and we should be
aware of that teaching.

The
question that arises is how does one prepare oneself for the difficulties life
will present? Certainly going around waiting for the next shoe to drop or for
the clouds to appear is not a very joyful way to live one’s life but we all
know stuff will come along, little things and difficult things with which we
will have to deal.

I am
someone who is all about maintenance. I
was a great Girl Scout. I try to always
be prepared. If there is some step I can
take to hopefully make life easier or smoother, I will usually take it. I am that person who gets her flu shot every
year. I take my vitamins, especially
that calcium and fish oil and now extra vitamin D. I brush and floss my teeth twice a day. God forbid they should rot away and fall
out. I exercise daily to keep everything
in good working order and to hopefully avoid becoming immobile and decrepit. I
am the person who buys travel insurance.
I’m not worried about any of these things. I just feel like if I can take steps to
insure my life goes along smoothly, I should.
I have many friends who do not think like me. I have one friend who has never gotten a flu
shot and as of this writing, has never gotten the flu. Thank heavens! I also have a friend who never does any
maintenance on her home. I am always
looking around my house and trying to spiff it up before something drastic
happens, like an exploding hot water heater or an ant infestation or, well you
can probably add your own stuff to that list.

I have a
huge red tool box. I mean I need all
those different type of screw drivers just in case the screw is a Phillips or a
Flat-head or it’s big or very tiny. I
know many of you completely understand but my friend, she never does anything
to her home until it becomes some sort of an issue for her. She cannot for the life of her understand why
I am always doing my best to forestall something in the home from becoming a
major investment. I believe that if I
take care of it now, it’ll be a little problem rather than a huge one. We just don’t agree but that’s ok. We love one another anyway. Unfortunately, the results of my maintenance
approach to life really doesn’t seem to make my life that much easier than her
life is for her. Things I never even dreamed
would occur, occur. So, the question is,
“How can I best prepare for the whens of life? What tools do I have in life’s tool box for
when a screw comes loose or falls out and everything it’s been holding
together, falls apart?”

Pray,
it’s my first defense. I believe in
answered prayer. I don’t understand how
it works but I fully trust that it does.

Journal,
I write. It centers me and helps me see things more clearly. It makes me calmer.

Exercise,
it is known to increase endorphins and reduce stress. It doesn’t matter if you go to your mat to do
yoga or take a walk or go play golf. It
takes you out of your routine and helps calm you.

Talk to a
friend or find a counselor. Pick up the
phone or go visit a friend. Don’t try to
go it alone. Most people like to be
helpful and most of us need help to get through life’s challenges, sometimes
even the little ones.

Watch
something funny, laugh.

Give or
get a hug or two and finally, remember to Breathe. Take a few deep breaths every so often and
don’t hesitate to sigh them out. Even if
you haven’t fixed the entire problem with that deep breath, you’ve at least
released it for that moment and life really is about living one moment at a
time.

July 14, 2013 In Uncategorized

The Demise of Cursive Writing

Affirmation: I am a life-long learner.

The
conversation with my children was about writing. It wasn’t about creative writing, it was
about penmanship. Well there’s an old
fashioned word. I didn’t know how outdated
it was until we had this discussion. I
was informed by my adult daughter, Melissa, that cursive writing was no longer
part of the core curriculum in the North Carolina school system. After the third grade, children are not
taught how to write long-hand. I’m still
in shock. I’ve been writing three pages
of long-hand in my journal every morning for over fifteen years. My adult son, Joey, went onto say that he
almost never uses a pen or a pencil.
When he does, he finds them awkward to use. His writing method is almost always a keyboard. Penmanship is no longer considered an
essential life skill.

That
certainly wasn’t true when I was in school.
The cursive alphabet was on long strips of black paper resting above the
black board. Yes, the board was black,
not white and we used chalk not erasable magic markers. There were several lines on the paper and
each one was a height that determined where a loop, a “t”, an
“i” or a capital letter was to land on the page. We were handed blank lined pages and the
students tried to copy the letters onto the paper from the form above the
boards. We used number 2 pencils with
erasers. I loved it! I liked the form and the lines for guidance
and the feel of the pencil on the paper and I loved seeing the letters take
shape and appear on the page. I became a
math teacher later in life. I was never
much for coloring outside the lines so it seems fairly understandable why I
liked the rigid format that was used to learn cursive.

I’ve
always been fascinated by hand writing.
Some is so legible and others completely illegible. Some is neat and clean and others are
sloppy. Some is flowery and others are
straight up and down. People have made a
living “reading” hand writing.
They are supposed to be able to figure out a person’s personality from
what their hand writing looks like. Not
anymore! Did you ever watch a detective
show where the sleuth looked at a type written note and determined whether
someone was right handed or left handed because of how some of the letters
appeared darker; they had been hit harder by the dominant hand? Not anymore!
I went to summer school to learn how to type. My mother told me it was an invaluable life
skill. She was right! The key board I use today is laid out exactly
the same as the one that was on my manual typewriter. If you don’t know what a typewriter looks
like, Google it. But, they don’t teach typing in school anymore
either. I think it comes already hard
wired in the brains of anyone born after 1990.
I’ve seen two year olds working a computer key board.

Reading,
writing and arithmetic were the three “Rs” that we were told were the
core skills we would need for life. The
question about why we needed to learn mathematics when most people would never
use it once they were out of school is decades old. As a math teacher, I sometimes wondered the
same thing but I knew the value of making the brain work in different ways and
for me there was always a great satisfaction in solving a problem correctly. I loved solving the “puzzle.” But,
it’s true; most people didn’t have any use for Algebra or Geometry or Trig.
once they have finished with the class.
Now, most people don’t even need to know the basics of math. There’s a calculator on every phone. It appears to be one more life skill we no
longer need.

So, that
leaves reading as the last core skill we were told we needed. I can’t imagine not reading. I love a good
book. Recently I had cataract surgery
and the lenses that were implanted were determined by whether or not I read
books and papers regularly or if I read from a computer. Can you imagine not being able to read? There are organizations dedicated to teaching
adults how to read. It seems it still is
an essential life skill. But, I wonder
will that always be true? Recently, I
downloaded an app called OverDrive. It
allows me to connect to my library and to download audio books onto my phone or
iPad. I can then listen to the book
wherever and whenever I want. I know
there have been audio books for decades but now they are prolific and free; for
many it’s their preferred way to “read” a book. What does this foretell?

If we
don’t need to learn the three “Rs” any longer, what do we need to
learn or even more important, what do we need to be teaching? What are the schools focusing on that is
preparing our young people to live meaningful, productive lives? We have several people in the family who have
been diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder.
I know it is more commonly diagnosed today than ever before. I’m not sure if it’s because more people
struggle with it or because we’re more knowledgeable about it. My youngest grandson was really struggling in
his traditional middle school because of ADD.
We were fortunate to find a small private local school that had a
different, more hands-on approach to learning.
Once there he blossomed both mentally and emotionally. His learning “style” needed a place
with a different environment in order for it to take root. What is he learning at his new school that is
different from the other one? He’s
learning how to learn.

Let’s
face it all the information we need or want to learn is available to us
in one form or another. Today it’s even
more readily available because of our access to the Internet. I am in awe of the range of information
available online. There are lessons on
everything! There are lessons about
things I probably don’t want know anything about. I have, however, looked up music lessons and
how to fix different things. My son uses
the Internet to renovate equipment, like boats, cars, engines and all sorts of
electronic equipment. The other day our
refrigerator broke down and the first thing we did, after throwing away the
perishables was to go online to see if we could diagnose it and fix it
ourselves. Owen is always telling me
about different places he’s never been to or about scientific data he’s looked
up. It’s beyond exciting! Back in March of 2013 he pretended to be a
reporter and interviewed Galileo about his theories. My husband, Sandy, played the role of the
famous scientist. It was for Owen’s
science project. Everyone learned
something and it was fun.

I’d like
to think that our educational system is closely examining what our young people
need to learn in order to be productive healthy citizens. What do you think the new core skills should
be? It seems to me one of the most
important ones would be to learn how to learn.
Owen is an experiential learner.
Once he discovered that, he found he can learn whatever he wants. I am mainly an auditory learner. If I had known that earlier on, learning
would have come a lot easier to me. Some
of us are visual; others need a variety of approaches. Once we’ve learned how
to gather the information, the rest is just doing it. But what other core skills do we want our
children to master? What are the
essential life skills? If it’s true we
learn all we need to know in Kindergarten, what are we doing with the rest of
our years of schooling? How about
focusing on the Golden Rule? “Do
unto others as you would have them do unto you.” How about the Ten Commandments? What about relationship skills: how to
resolve conflict, how to create community, how to get your needs met without
hurting another? What if the three
“Rs” morphed into the three “Cs”: compassion, communication
and cooperation?

Yes, we
still need to know how to read and write, if not in cursive than at least we
need to know how to compose a grammatically correct sentence. But, the key to all of this is it’s not so
much what we learn but that we do learn and not just while we’re in school but
for as long as we’re alive. Expand your
knowledge. Go out there and learn about
life, learn about living, learn whatever it is that makes you feel fully
alive. Then perhaps you’ll write about
it. Perhaps you’ll share it with the
world. Who knows maybe someday someone
will download it and listen to it.

May 19, 2012 In Uncategorized

Love is Your Only Job

There
are many asanas (poses) in yoga that are designed to help one open their
heart. For example, any sort of back
bend will put you in a position where your chest is raised towards the sky. Even a slight back bend opens the heart as in
Fish pose. In the book Eat Pray Love,
Liz Gilbert tells a story about a man she meets in the ashram in India who
shares he’s been seeking an open heart.
She asks him what motivated him to come to the ashram and he tells her
he kept asking God to “open his heart.” One day he had a heart attack
and his heart was literally opened. One
need not have surgery to create a more open heart. There are many more gentle ways to accomplish
this worthwhile trait.

Many
years ago when my children were younger I found myself struggling with one
particular incident. I felt very hurt by
this episode and was sharing it with a good friend. It really wasn’t such a big deal looking back
on it but at the time I was upset and I felt I was justified in my complaining. So, there I was moaning about the
situation. She listened and then gave me
some of the best advice I have ever had in my whole life. She said, “Remember, Jean, your only job
is to love.”

As
a journaler who has written three pages every morning for the last 20 years, I
have many many journals boxed up. Every
time I begin a new journal I transfer a few things to the front paper pockets
and the beginning pages. I transfer my
intentions for the year, my daily prayers, my list of people I am presently
praying for and my positive affirmations.
I also write on the inside of the front cover, “Remember, Jean,
your only job is to love.”

I
believe that with all my heart. It’s the
main message Jesus Christ came to give us.
When he was asked; Mt 22:36 “[Jesus], which is the great commandment in
the law?” He said to them, ‘’You shall love the Lord your God with all your
heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the great and
first commandment. And a second is like it, You shall love your neighbor as
yourself. On these two commandments depend all the law and the prophets.”

Why
do some people seem to have a greater capacity to love than others? Do you think it’s because of their DNA or is
it because of their upbringing? Is it
“nature” or “nurture”?
It’s probably like most of our traits, it’s a combination of both. But, can we learn to love more, love greater? Can we be people who can love no matter
what? You’ve heard the stories about
people who forgive their worst enemies.
Can you learn to love an enemy?
Can one learn to separate the sinner from the sin?

I’ve
been very lucky in my life. I married a
man who has a huge heart. I believe he
was genetically predisposed to being a loving, kind man and then, he had the
additional advantage of having amazing parents who showed him by example
exactly what unconditional love is, especially his mother. I have never heard
my mother-in-law say anything, ever, that was derogatory about another human
being, and especially about someone in her family. My husband teases that if we had a bank
robber in the family his mom would say, “He’s the best bank robbed
ever!”

On
my travels through Ecuador, I was kissed in three weeks more times than I have
been kissed in three years. Almost
everyone I met gave me a kiss on the cheek and a warm hug. One day we went to the soccer practice of my
consuegra’s (my daughter-in-law’s mother) granddaughter. Six of us sat in the bleachers watching her
practice, her three grandparents, her aunt, my son and myself. When the girls were finished practicing the
entire team came up to the stands to greet us.
I watched these teenage girls start down the row kissing and greeting
all the grandparents, then they kissed the aunt. I thought they’d stop at that point and was
amazed when they continued on to kiss my son and then me, two people they
“didn’t know from Adam.”

I
know it was a cultural response to greet us all in that manner but at thispoint
in my travels I’d been greeted like this for several weeks. Greeted and welcomed into people’s homes,
lives and in some cases into their hopes and dreams. As far as I could see these people in this
culture responded with more affection and respect than I normally experienced. I had the honor of being hosted by my consuegra
and I can share with you that the hugs and warm daily greetings and goodnights
were freely shared with anyone who happens to be in her home.

When
I first received the directive to love no matter what, I remember thinking,
“I can do that.” But, I must admit it is easier said than done. There are many in my life that I find very
easy to love and there are some I struggle to love. Some days I feel like my heart is closed and
hard. When I am aware of that state, I
engage my breath to help me open up. I
take several deep breaths and visualize my heart expanding in my chest, like a
red balloon. I’ve also done many other
“open heart” mediations. These
mediations usually involve inviting loving thoughts and feelings into one’s
heart. First, you invite those who you
find easy to love, then you invite someone you may be struggling with and
finally, you invite yourself. You take
the time to allow each person to rest within the warmth of your bosom and then
you release them and yourself out into the universe, full of light and warmth
and wonderful energy, a release that blesses you, them and the world.

I
believe we can learn to love more fully, more deeply, unconditionally. But, I think there’s a secret. I don’t think we need to be born into a
family of warm blooded Latinos or Italians.
It’s nice if we’re born into a loving, affectionate family. It probably makes it easier but the secret is
to learn to accept love, to believe you are worthy of love, to believe that you
are truly loved, loved for who you are because you are and not for any other
reason. We need to believe we are loved,
loved first and foremost by God. We need
to know without a doubt that we are amazing wonderful beings who deserve to be
loved. Once we can fully embrace that
concept, we can open our heart to receive and then to give that which we have
received. If we don’t accept it, we
can’t, it is impossible, to give it out.
It’s like filling up the car with gas.
If you don’t open the gas cap and let the gas flow in, you won’t be able
to go anywhere. You’ll be stuck in one
place, empty and dried out.

What
if you approached everyone in life with the thought, “Remember, (your
name), your only job is to love.”? What kind of an effect would that have
on your relationships, on you, on your life?
What kind of an effect would that have on our world?

March 4, 2012 In Uncategorized

Worry and Anxiety

Affirmation: I avoid all thoughts that weaken me.

Do you ever feel anxious? Do you ever wake up in the middle of the night with so many things on your mind you can’t get back to sleep? If you don’t you must already have developed a system that keeps you calm and centered. It’s not something you can develop when you’re in the throes of what is or appears to be a crisis. It must be something, some tool you’ve created and use regularly when you are calm. Then when you are not feeling calm, you use that tool and your body responds with the conditioned reflex, relaxation.

I had a friend tell me that he had a mantra (a repeated phrase or word) he used every time he was at the airport (one of his most stressful environments) but it really didn’t seem to make any difference. He didn’t see what purpose it served. He never felt any calmer. I asked him if he used this tool at any other time and he said, “No.” Can you see the problem with this? Every time he found himself stressed, he repeated the same phrase. He conditioned his response to anxiety. He needed to practice his mantra when he was feeling calm and centered.

People I know use meditation to create this sense of peace, others use prayer. Many in the catholic faith say the Rosary, a set of Our Fathers and Hail Marys that are repeated over and over while moving one’s fingers along a set of beads. Many meditators finger beads called mala beads while they repeat their mantras.

When I was going through radiation, it was an extremely stressful situation and I was very anxious. I also didn’t feel too well so that added to the anxiety. One of the Duke Cancer Patient Support Counselors set up an appointment with a nurse practioner named John Seskavitch. In my experience John was a unique nurse. He focused on healing the whole person; mind, body and spirit. He had already created several meditation tapes and sponsored many mind-body workshops. He sat with me and asked me about my faith, my practices and then suggested I repeat the Hail Mary during treatment.

My walks take me around Apex Lake, a beautiful path close to my home. I’ve walked it for over twenty years and often use the quiet time to say the Rosary. I dedicate each decade (a group of ten Hail Marys and one Our Father) to a specific group of people; my family and friends, my church group, the support people in my life, all those special intentions I have in my heart, our military and their loved ones and our world leaders. (I figure they could use all the help they can get with the condition of the world today.) As soon as I lied down for my radiation treatment after that first session with John, I was no longer anxious. I was on that path around Apex Lake! The sun shimmered on the water, the geese and ducks called out, the great Blue Herons stood perfectly still in the water, people nodded and said, “Good Morning!” and I was calm and all was well.

I once read about someone who kept a “worry box.” All week long, if something came up that he was concerned about, he would put it in the box and he’d tell himself that he’d worry about it on Friday at 5 PM. Each Friday, he’d go to the box and lay our all his concerns. What do you think happened? Most of his concerns had been addressed, had been resolved. Part of my journaling practice is to look back each month and do a general review of how my life went. One of the questions I ask myself is, “What was something I worried about that I don’t worry about now?” There’s always an answer that reflects something that’s been resolved or even more profound, something that never even came into reality.

George Burns the famous comedienne once said he never worried; it was a useless waist of his time. “Why would I worry about something I can do something about? I’ll just go do it. And, why would I worry about something I have no control over?” Really, isn’t that a futile exercise in self-absorption?

Not worrying takes practice. If you’ve developed the worry habit, you can develop the habit to not worry. You can find some tool, some process that will effectively help you control your anxiety. One of those tools is affirmations. “I avoid all thoughts that weaken me.” Turn your thinking around. Use your quiet time to assure yourself that all is well, all is well! Take God’s peace and love and your sense of well-being with you out into your life and into the world. It’s the work of a life-time but it’s well worth it, don’t you think?