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Jean A. Costa / Posts tagged "Life"
January 4, 2015 In Faith

Trusting in Christ

Affirmation:  I dedicate this year of 2015 to
trusting in Christ.
It’s January 1st, 2015 and that can be a time for
reflection and retrospection.  I know
many people make some sort of New Year’s
resolution.  It can be a very common
topic during the first few days of January; “Have
you set any New Year’s resolutions?”  We all
know how they usually go.  Most people
are lucky if they hold onto those resolutions for more than a day.  You know the usuals: lose weight, stop
smoking, begin exercising, eat healthy, spend more time in prayer and or
mediation, etc. and then life takes over. 
The holidays are finished and most of us head back to work or to our
normal routine and that routine doesn’t
include those good intentions.  There is
however, ways to make permanent changes in our life.  Some changes we choose, those can be a gift
we give ourselves.  Other changes are
thrust upon us, and depending upon how we approach those, they can also be a
gift we give ourselves.  
I’m
very excited about this New Year.  I must
admit coming out of Christmas and looking towards the New Year, I didn’t feel excited. 
I felt anxious but I’ve been consistently
journaling and reading as much inspirational and motivational writings as are available to me and I’ve decided that this is my
year to simply go with the flow, to let go of the struggle and the challenges
that I’ve always created for myself.  My study group, The Seekers, is presently
reading Martha Beck’s Finding Your Own North
Star.  I really had a difficult time
relating to the beginning of the book but midway through it took on new
meaning.  The section we are presently
studying is about The Change Cycle. 
Change, one of those elements that every human being experiences and
experiences all the time.  Sometimes we
are aware of the changes, they are dramatic and potent but most change is
subtle and insidious.  We go through life
not paying much attention to it.  It hasn’t really commanded our attention but it’s always there and how we deal with small changes is a
precursor to how we deal with large changes. 

My Enneagram type, Type 7, is
prone to anticipation.  It’s part two of Martha Beck’s Change Cycle. 
That may sound exciting but the truth is it can be exhausting and it
takes me “out of the moment,” out of
the experience of the present.  I miss
too much by not paying attention to the Now. 
Between Martha and the information about my personality type in the
Enneagram, I decided not to live like that this year.  This year my intention is to allow life to
unfold.  I want to live in the movement
of the spirit.  I can’t tell you what that will look like and I will tell
you I have prayed that I am not called to be a martyr but I’m still going to go with it. 

I owe this year’s intention to one of my dear friends and study group
traveler.  She gifted me with the book, One
Word That Will Change Your Life by Jon Gordon and she has shared with me
over the year the impact of focusing on one word, like taking a mantra.  I know my intention is more than one word but
the word I’ve chosen to focus on is Trust.  It’s been
here now for a few years, floating in and out of my consciousness and my
affirmations.  A while back I developed
the RTR principle: I fully Rest in God’s care,
I Trust in God’s love and I Release myself from any struggle.  It was helpful but it was a little like a
resolution; I didn’t hold onto it for very
long.  I have discovered that when I take
an intention for the year, miraculous things, subtle and not so subtle take
place and without a lot of effort my life takes on new meaning and color. 
This is the third year of taking
an intention, declaring the year a “year
of.”  This
last year you might recall was “The year of connecting to the
Divine.”  It’s been a wild roller coaster
ride with the publishing of my book in February, the death of my mother,
Margaret Grolimund in March and the marriage of my daughter, Ellen, to Adam O’Sullivan in May but through it all there’s been a peace and a sense of being in the presence of
a greater power.  Each morning my journal
had the year’s intention written at the top of the page and even
though I mostly left the thought as I went throughout my day, I still carried
it with me in my inner being.  As with
all affirmations I believe they first enter your consciousness, then our
subconsciousness and then they permeate our cellular being and we are
different, different in ways we might never even imagined but different in ways
that enhance our lives. 

I’m
ready!  I’m
excited about this year’s intention.  I am expecting amazing, miraculous
things.  I know life will still hold all
the challenges life normally holds and maybe a few I can’t even imagine and for which I would never ask but I’ll be good.  I’ll let this new intention seep deep within me and
whatever the world throws at me, I’ll be
breathing deeply and knowing that since I’ve made
a conscious choice, every day to trust in Christ, I’ll look back on this year, just as I did on 2014 and
see the miracles and the blessings in all the hills and the valleys that is the
ride of my life. 
September 7, 2014 In Affirmations, Faith

Choosing Your Words, Creating Your Thoughts

Affirmation:  The words I choose affect every aspect of my
life.  I choose mindfully.

The question I’ve been asking myself while preparing
for the September 9, 2014 Barnes and Noble signing has been, “What makes
you think you’re someone who can inspire or motivate another to live an
intentional life?”
Truth to tell, I am simply another human being
probably a lot like you who is trying to live a rich, giving, compassionate
life.  My mission statement for my life
is, “I live a Christ centered life of love, peace, joy, hope, gratitude
and compassion.”  And, everyday I
have to remind myself of it and of how I want to live.  I’ve written before of my desire to be loving,
forgiving, nonjudgmental, non-grasping and compassionate.  It’s a meditation.  It’s something I have to keep in mind
everyday, sometimes every moment.  Do
I?  Of course I don’t. 
I know I’m not an expert on human behavior.  I have studied it for many years and I’ve
worked with a lot of people in many different capacities.  One of my first loves is a study group.  I facilitated my first study group at Barnes
and Noble in Cary, NC around 20 years ago with another MSW, Jane Cook.  We presented the book The Artist’s Way
by Julia Cameron.  We had around 35
people participate for the twelve-week session. 
I’ve either facilitated or participated in hundreds of groups since
then.  From my observation I would
propose that most people are trying to find a way to live a more fulfilled
life.  What that takes is of course
different for different people so I don’t claim that I can offer everyone that
opportunity but there are some basic skills available to most of us and using
our words to shape our thoughts and therefore our lives, is a very powerful
one.
I recently had a women ask me if I’d read Ten
Percent Happier.  I have not.  She explained to me that the author’s secret
to a happier life was meditation and he shared that approach in his book.  He felt he became at least 10% happier
because of his practice.  I believe
it.  He therefore, felt a desire to help
others find this same sense of well being. 
I think we can definitely improve the quality of our lives by meditating
but while it’s simple, it’s not easy. 
It’s takes practice.  It takes
discipline.  It’s no different than
exercising the body.  It’s exercising the
mind.  In fact it’s easier to exercise
the body than it is to quiet the mind. 
What I am proposing, however, is something that almost anyone can easily
put into practice.  I don’t mean for it
to be a substitute for meditation, certainly not a substitute for prayer, but
another tool to be utilized in the search for a better existence.

We are all talking to each other and ourselves all the
time. With just a little effort we can start carefully choosing the worlds we
use.  You know what I’m saying.  In fact, it’s probably easier to shape the
words we use to describe events and others than it is to shape those we use for
ourselves.  We can be our own worst enemies.  I have a long list that I’ve collected of
negative self-talk phrases.  Things I’ve
heard people say to themselves or perhaps I read somewhere.  For example: 
“I am so stupid!”  “I am such a
klutz!”   “I just never seem to get it
right.”  “I just can’t make any
friends.”  “I never have enough money,
time, energy, etc.”  “My right leg, arm, hip,
etc. is my bad one.”  The
list I’ve compiled has about one hundred negative phrases.  Two others that don’t sound negative but have
that effect are, “I am right!” and “I can do that
better.”  Those two statements may
be vey true but I’m here to tell you (and I know I’m right!) most people don’t
want to be around someone who has all the answers and who willingly will tell
them how to do something better, even if they’ve been asked. 
So, I’m not here to give you any answers.  I am here to propose questions and to tell
you what has worked for me with the same hope as the author of Ten Percent
Happier.  I want to share the
practice and the words that have made my life better, not perfect, but
definitely better.  The positive
affirmations I have created for myself and that I write about here and in my
book, Creating Positive Affirmations, Living An Intentional Life, have improved
the quality of my relationships, my health, my work and perhaps, most
importantly, my faith.  They aren’t
designed to improve your life.  They
simply serve as an example of what has worked for me and in case your
searching, what may work for you.

My dear friend, Joanne Dawe shared her wisdom with me
many years ago when we spoke about using positive affirmations.  “They have to work,” she said,
“I’ve been using negative affirmations for years and they’ve always
worked.”
June 15, 2014 In Uncategorized

Carpe Diem

Affirmation: This is the day The Lord has made, let me rejoice
and be glad in it. (Psalm 118:24)
 Benjamin Franklin said, “The only things certain in life are
death and taxes.”  I’m sure there
are those who hope to avoid taxes; I would imagine most get caught. Willie
Nelson and Al Capon are two who come to mind. Some others, however, don’t make
enough money to have to pay taxes and that seems very sad to me.  When it comes to death, however, no one, I
repeat, no one gets out of it.  There is
no avoiding it, we are all caught in the end. 
It seems to me that many people especially here in the west
believe if you don’t think about death, it won’t happen.  Certainly it’s one of our greatest
fears.  I’ve read that’s because it’s the
greatest unknown.  Those who have a faith
have reasons to believe in an afterlife and that can bring a great deal of
comfort.  I myself have chosen that
belief but I haven’t met anyone who has returned from the great unknown.  I do know one or two people who have had
near-death experiences and from what I’ve read that is usually a very positive
experience but other than the tales I’ve read about people who claim to have
had life-after-death events, I can’t claim any personal experience.  I guess part of the good news is those who
have those experiences report something, not a total void, not completed
nothingness.  In the Naked Now, Richard
Rohr shares his belief that our spiritual development here on earth will
determine our after death experience.  He
says that the relationship we’ve developed with God here on earth will be the
relationship we have after death.  I once
had a dear friend tell me she thought Christians would be met by Christ,
Muslims by Allah and Buddhists (even though they don’t believe in an afterlife)
Buddha.  Does that mean an atheist is met
by no one? 
Death has been very prominent in my life during the first half of
2014.  I lost my mom in March and that
was difficult but much of my life’s work revolves around supporting people in
crisis.  The two Duke advisory boards I
sit on are both for cancer programs.  The
DCPSP is for the patients and families of cancer patients and the other is the
Preston Robert Tisch Brain Tumor Advisory Board.  My passion for the Pink Ribbon Yoga Retreat
brings me in contact with many people challenged by breast cancer and I sing
for my church’s Resurrection Choir during the funerals and belong to two prayer
groups.  I don’t know if you know this
but most prayers on a prayer list are not prayers of praise and thanksgiving,
they are prayers for the healing, peace and comfort of the afflicted.  Lately, I’ve been inundated with requests for
prayers for a lot of people who are faced with some very serious life-threatening
challenges.
Even though I have practiced yoga for over 40 years I had never
given too much thought to the final resting pose, savasana or in English,
Corpse Pose.  When I attended the Raleigh
Yoga Fest, one teacher, Jill Stockman, told us that Corpse Pose is called that
to bring death to our attention.  At the
end of our practice she instructed us to imagine we were dying, to imagine
letting go of Everything.  She presented
it as an opportunity for growth and awareness. 
It was a very powerful exercise for me. 
It made the rolling over to one side into a fetal position before coming
to a seated position, even more meaningful. 
My practice is taking me from death into rebirth.  I’m beginning again, a new start and that’s
what I believe death is.  It’s a new
beginning, hopefully for me with Christ as has been promised.  However, even if I’m practicing, I’m not
ready.  What has happened, however, with
all of the news I’ve been receiving lately, is I’m even more aware of how
precious every day is.
Let’s admit it; we may be only one breath away from this life and
the next.  I cannot tell you how many
people have come into my life in the last two weeks who have had a prognosis of
less than a month to live.  These people
were not ill.  They just started feeling
yucky, finally went to get it checked out and boom, they were given the news
that they were terminal!  It’s really
scary.  It didn’t help that I then picked
up the book, The End of Life Book Club which came highly recommended by several
friends.  What was I thinking?  I know we have no way of knowing when our
final day will occur.  Sometimes there’s
absolutely no warning.  I heard a tale
about a man who went to market in Samaria and returned ashen.  When he was asked what was wrong, he shared
that he had had a brush with death.  He
asked a friend if he could borrow his horse so he could get away and go to
Bagdad.  His friend obliged him and then
went to the market to see what was going on. 
When he arrived he ran into Death and asked him why he was looking for
his friend.  Death said that he wasn’t
looking for the friend and was simply surprised to see him in Samaria because
he had an appointment to meet him tomorrow in Bagdad. 
Ever since my dad died in 1980 when I was only 34, I’ve tried not
to waste a day.  I became very aware of
the preciousness of each and every day.  Its
mediation, however, and I’m not always present to it.  But, after these last few months and
especially these last few weeks, I’ve been even more aware of enjoying every
day to the fullest.  I even ate
MacDonald’s french fries one day for lunch which for me is very daring. This is
it!  Seize it! Live it! Be joyful in it,
count the blessings, and be grateful for what is and what is not.  Do not utter a complaint or a criticism.  Look around, recognize what truly is a
problem and what are “ha ha” problems; those problems most of the
world wishes they had and then give praise and thanksgiving. Go ahead, eat
dessert first and even more important, and tell your loved ones how you feel.
Don’t let the day slip away without living it and sharing it to the fullest.
February 22, 2014 In Uncategorized

God’s Garmin

Affirmation: I am in awe of the guidance God sends me, through
people as I travel down a new and difficult path.
What is needed in order to navigate through new territory?  Lewis and Clark, Columbus and Magellan and
Dr. Livingston are a few examples of pioneers who headed out into the world
without any foreknowledge of what lied ahead and created trails for others to
follow.  There are now maps for most
anywhere one wants to go.  There is even
Google Earth, where we can examine almost every square foot of our planet
without leaving our home. 
When my daughter, Ellen, moved to London I desperately wanted to
see where she would be living but flying over there was not in our plans.  She sent me a video from Google Earth with
her apartment circled in red.  I could
then move the cursor around on the page and see everything she could see from
her front window.  It was miraculous.  Since then I have occasionally gone to the
site to see the areas where I resided when I was younger.  It was fascinating to see how the areas had
changed and to share the photos of the neighborhood with my children or with my
friends.
Yes, it seems as if the whole world is mapped out and we aren’t
in need of pioneers any longer.  Even the
moon and Mars have “rovers” with cameras on them.  Of course there is the rest of the Universe
“where no man has ever gone before.” 
I don’t believe many of us will be faced with an adventure into outer
space.  In addition to outer space,
however, there are also the Olympics. 
Right now, the 2014 Winter Olympics are taking place in Sochi
Russia.  No one needed a map to get to
Sochi and no one is following a geographical path that hasn’t been carefully
laid out but these gifted, dedicated and determined young people are definitely
blazing new trails.  The new gold medal
winner for the Men’s Snow Boarding Half Pipe, Iouri Podladtchikov, not only
performed an almost flawless run, he created and executed a new maneuver called
the YOLO.  The men and women skiers and
skaters broke all time speed records, and the Russian figure skating pairs gold
medalists Tatiana Volosozhar and Maxim Trankov, the 2013 world champions, broke
at least four world records with their performances.  There were also many other records set.  All the athletes needed guidance to reach the
peak of their skill.  They went higher
and further along the path of their craft than anyone had gone before.  Their coaches and families helped them lay
out the map for their successes.
I’ve always loved a map. 
Maybe it’s because it’s a little like a puzzle, a maze which can help
get you to your set destination.  I’ve
usually been the navigator when my husband and I traveled.  My expertise wasn’t always in evidence.  For example, from my reading of the map, I
once insisted we were are on the right road to reach the main highway when it dead-ended
in someone’s driveway.  At one time, I
used to contact AAA for little map booklets that had a different section of the
road on each page to lay out our path. 
I’m sure they don’t have them anymore. Now, my husband and I don’t use
maps at all.  First we graduated to
Map-quest and would have sheets of paper listing the twists and turns and the
distances and the estimated arrival time.  
We even used Map-quest for one of our European trips.  It was a lot easier than trying to read maps
in a foreign language.  Then we went to a
Nuvi or a Garmin and we had audible turn by turn instructions.  I must say in the beginning it would seem to
me the device would sometimes take me to my final destination by way of another
continent.  Now, we have the smart phone.
The technology now seems to be much more accurate and I can rely on it anywhere
I travel.  I’ve also become so used to
having a computer map on my dashboard that I feel “lost” when I’m in
a car without one even if I’m going around my neighborhood. Recently, however, I have had to chart a new path. 
There wasn’t a map or a Garmin for this journey.  My 91 year old mother left the hospital after
her first two surgeries ever, a hip replacement and a pacemaker and was
admitted to a rehab unit.  I needed a map
or an audio guide.  I needed any
direction and guidance that was available and there was very little “out
there.”  I did do some research on
the web to determine the best facility in the area and I did make the necessary
phone calls to make sure that’s where she was admitted but after that I felt
like I had just landed on an alien planet, not country, but a planet beyond our
solar system.  I have never been so
intimately involved in the care of a seriously ill individual, and to be honest
my mom has led a very independent lifestyle up until her fall.  I wish someone wise and experienced had taken
my hand and led me step by step down this road. 
I wish I knew in the beginning of this journey what I know
now.  I’ve prayed for years for dignity
for my mom and mother in law in their old age. 
Now, I’m seeing what dignity can look like and may not look like.  After entering the rehab, mom contracted
C.diff.  One more thing I knew nothing
about, another huge detour on the road. 
I’ve reached out to God and to everyone I know.  I actually sent an email to several of my
communities that was titled “Help!” 
Help has come and hopefully will keep coming.  Help not just for my mom but for me, the main
caregiver.  Yes, I am seeing the
blessings.  Some of the best help has
been what I now consider to be “God’s Garmin’s.”  They are all those people in the know who
have taken the time and effort to share with me what I need to be doing and in
what direction I should be going. 
When Sandy and I traveled to Ireland several years ago, we found
the most joyful part of the trip was getting lost because we would stop and ask
an always delightful, friendly Irish man or woman for directions.  We stopped once on a back road and were
invited in for tea!  That’s been my
experience here with my mom and her illness, the people who have reached out to
me explaining the path best chosen have brought clarity and joy to a very
frightening and strange road.  I’ve
decided there is very seldom an easy way through chronic illness or the dying
process but like all our adversities there are blessings to be found and usually,
they come in the form of loving, caring people who take our hands and our
hearts and lead us along the path of what we call life.  I like to think of them as God’s Garmin,
audibly directing us down the road to our final destination, Peace.
December 29, 2013 In Uncategorized

Year End Review

Affirmation:
I examine the past with an eye on my best
The
conversation revolved around how different generations use technology.  Adam, my daughter’s fiancé spoke with me about how those over 50 had to learn about social
media; how for those in their late 20’s and 30’s it was simply an extension of
the computer skills they learned as children and how those in their teens today have grown up with
social media.  It’s an integral part of
their life, like radio or TV is to some. 
He then went on to tell me that my 16 year old granddaughter will have a
complete photo history of her life not because we have been photographing her
since birth, which we have, but because she posts photos and everyday events on
the social media sites and has been for several years.  She has been carefully schooled by her
parents about the dangers of sharing too much information or about sharing inappropriate
information. So far, so good. After our discussion I found myself thinking how
nice it would be for me to have a complete record of my life.  The older I become, the more there is to
remember and the more I seemed to have forgotten.
For me,
recalling the past can sometimes be quite a challenge.  Unless, the event is tied to a significant emotional response. 
I have at least one friend who can remember the names of all her
teachers from elementary school through high school.  My sister can recognize people she hasn’t
seen in years and my husband’s ability to remember where we’ve traveled and
what we’ve done is amazing.  I on the
other hand really struggle with those skills. 
I do, however, remember holding my oldest daughter’s hand as we walked
together to her pre-school. I remember when my youngest crawled into bed with
me early in the morning to hug for a while before she went off to school and I
can recall every one of my son’s projects and there have been many, because of
the excitement he generated as he took them on. 

The TV
show Sixty Minutes had two separate programs about memory issues.  The first was about people who cannot
remember faces, not even the faces of their loved ones.  They are not ignorant by any means but that part of their brain simply doesn’t
hold that information.  The same program
also looked at people who had no directional skills.  They were lucky to get out of their own
homes.  That part of their brain didn’t
provide that skill.   On the second
program they interviewed people who could recall every moment of their lives as
if they had a file cabinet in their brains and they could access whatever
information they needed whenever they needed it.  At the time of the show, there were only
about a dozen people known world wide with this skill.  I am pleased to say,  I do not have any of these issues or
skills.  My memory is selective and
challenging but I can easily recognize my loved ones and many others and I have
a fairly strong sense of direction but whereas I would like to more clearly
remember my past, I would not want to carry every one of those memories with me
throughout my life.  I think that would
be overwhelming and exhausting. 

It is,
however, very important for me to review the past. It’s probably why I keep a
journal and a little pocket calendar where I write the day’s past events. For
me it’s like looking in the rear view mirror of the car before changing lanes
because them I am aware of what’s going on around me.  I have found it to be very helpful to put
together a yearly family photo calendar. 
Going back over the year’s significant events really helps me to recall
that which was important to me and what brought me joy.  Otherwise, the year all blends together.  Then the years all blend together and those
highlights I so enjoyed and those lessons I learned get lost.  It’s the difference between living a life of
many different colors and tastes and living one that’s gray and bland.

I have
a monthly and a yearly practice of asking myself 10 questions that I feel will
improve the quality of my life going forward. I gathered these several years
ago from a newspaper article by Sharon Randal from Henderson, Nevada.
1. What
was the hardest thing I had to do this year?
2. What
was the most fun?
3. What
were the milestones?
4. What
was my biggest accomplishment?
5.
What’s something I wanted to do but didn’t?
6. What
was my biggest surprise?
7. What
was the best thing I did for another?
8. What
was something I worried about that I don’t worry about now?
9. What
made me proud?
10.
Describe a moment I want to remember.
I feel
the only reason to review the past, is to find a way to live better in the
future. Look it over, learn the lesson and then let it go. The last part may be
the hardest lesson of all.
September 22, 2013 In Uncategorized

The Movie of My Life

Affirmation:  I live a Christ centered life of love, peace,
joy, gratitude and compassion.
 
 
Jason
Becker, Not Dead Yet, is the name of the movie we were invited to
view.  It was the premier and it was
being held to benefit Jason Becker and the ALS (amyotrophic lateral sclerosis,
aka Lou Gehrig’s Disease) Foundation.  We
were guests of Cytokinetics which is a drug development group doing research to
aid in the treatment and cure of these types of diseases. We didn’t know Jason.
We knew nothing about his story but the invitation was for a group of us to
travel to a club, Bimbo’s, in San Francisco and have dinner and watch the
film.  We were already in California at
the time so it was an appealing invitation. 
We entered the club, got a beverage and then went to meet Jason.  He was in a motorized wheel chair and there
was a line to meet him.  He could no
longer move any part of his body other than his eyes and some facial
muscles.  He was surrounded by what I
assumed to be family members and caregivers. 
 
 
My first impression of him was how handsome he was.  We had been told a little about Jason’s story
before we arrived.  He was a guitar
virtuoso from the time he was five years old until he was eighteen when he was
diagnosed with ALS.  The disease
progressed very quickly and while he was able to record a lot of his work
before his upper body deserted him, he had to drop out of the David Roth world
tour. He had been recruited as Van Halen’s replacement. He was now 41. His
father had developed a system of communication that allowed Jason to
“talk” with his eyes.  It was a
matrix system and it depended on how many times he blinked and what direction
he rolled his eyes.  His parents and
caregivers could spell out the words Jason was indicting and then they would
share his comments with the visitor.  We
were next in line to meet him.
I’d
never met anyone with ALS and I’ve never really tried to have a conversation
with a paraplegic.  But, he had his
interpreters with him so I wasn’t too concerned.  We approached and I confessed to him that I
was new to his story but I was looking forward to becoming one of his newest
fans.  He made a few eye movements and
his father told us he had just responded, “awesome.”  Awesome was exactly what I was thinking and
after we watched the film, awesome was exactly the word I would use to describe
this young man’s talent, the dedication of his amazing family and friends and
his undaunted courage.
 
A
diagnosis of ALS is considered a terminal diagnosis.  There is no cure.  There is no treatment.  There is no hope.  Normally, one would die within a few years of
the diagnosis.  As of this date, Jason
has been alive for 23 years after the diagnosis; he’s “not dead
yet.”  Not only is he still alive
but he’s still composing music.  His
father has come up with another way to help Jason compose the music he can
still hear, the music he’s still creating in his mind.  My husband, Sandy and I were inspired by
Jason story.  We are inspired by Jason
himself and by the love and support he has gathered around him.
 
 
The
next morning I sat with another event attendee and we began to discuss all we
had learned from the night before.  We
shared our newfound appreciation for Jason and his family.  I then shared that after last night’s
experience I found myself asking the question, if someone was to make a movie
of my life, what would be in it?  Jason
is only 41.  Most of the movie revolved
around his first eighteen years and the accomplishments he had already
made.  It appeared he was on his way to
becoming one of the all-time great guitarists. 
He was on his way to becoming a legend. 
I’m not a guitar aficionado but even I recognized several of the names
of the people in the movie who spoke about him. 
He had already commanded such respect as an artist and as a human being
by the age of eighteen that twenty-three years later, these famous musicians
were still giving testimony to him and his talent.
 
I
don’t know about you but I must admit that if my life’s reputation had to depend
on what I’d accomplished up until my eighteenth year, it would be very lacking
in accomplishments.  I’m sixty-seven as
of this writing and I would hope that I have finally achieved some measure of
respect for a lifetime of loving effort. 
What would a movie of my life include? 
What would a movie of your life look like?  When discussing this with my friend, we found
ourselves focusing on the virtues of kindness and love.  As long as our movie focused on promoting
those two qualities, we decided it would be a good film.
 
I
once saw a really scary movie with Robin Williams about an internal camera
device that was implanted in everyone at their birth and was extracted when
they died.  His profession was to put
together their obituary in film form from their camera.  He was supposed to be one of the best because
he could edit the film of even the most cruel, horrendous behavior and make the
obituary a glowing commendation of the deceased.  It was so disturbing that I shut it off
almost at the beginning but the concept left me with a lot to think about.
 
The
day will come when someone will be piecing my life together to help others
remember me.  It’s inevitable.  What will my “movie” say about me?  Will I need a professional editor?  Will it be a comedy or a drama and what will
it be rated? Have you heard the advice about writing out your own obituary so
you can decide before you die how you want to be remembered and then take the
steps necessary to paint that picture?  I
know no matter how we craft our lives not everyone will appreciate what we’ve
attempted to do no matter how kind and caring we have acted.  If it happens so be it but I shouldn’t expect
to be recognized for my good works. 
Really, the most important part of all this is if I did my best, my utmost
to live a life worthy of my own respect and that of my God.  Kindness, forgiveness and love are the three
qualities I’d like the movie of my life to revolve around.  Hopefully, I have a few more years left to
make sure the ending of my movie is as close to my ideal as it possibly can be.

 

May 26, 2013 In Uncategorized

A Year of Love

Affirmation:
I am fully open to love, human and divine. 
Love surrounds me and permeates every aspect of my existence.

When I
went to visit Paul I noticed the wedding pictures on his wall.  He was one of the few men in the Alzheimer’s
unit and he was a flirt.  He was good
looking, tall and lean and always had on a baseball cap.  He was in the beginning stages and I could
easily have a conversation with him. 
Then I also noticed the memorial card with what I guessed was his wife’s
name.  I asked him if I were correct and
if the card referred to his wife.  It
did.  “Were you married a long
time?” I asked.  I didn’t really
expect an answer.  I was just making
conversation.  “Sixty-one
years,” he replied.  “Wow”
I responded, “that’s a long time.” 
He came right back at me, “Not long enough!”  That was several years ago but even as I
write this my heart aches and my eyes tear up. 
“Not long enough.” What a lesson!  It came at me like a speeding train and left
me dazed by the side of the tracks.  Life
is precious and life for many is “not long enough.”

One of my
dear friends recently lost her mother to Alzheimer’s.  It was a long, difficult battle.  My friend lives in North Carolina but her
“mum” lived I England.  She
would often fly over to visit and to care for her mother.  When her mother was finally admitted to a
care facility, my friend would get up every morning she was there, take the bus
and spend the entire day visiting and helping with the other residents.  The facility eventually offered her a
job.  Her mother stopped recognizing her
daughter but one day she told my friend, “I don’t know who you are but I
know you love me very much.”

“I
know you love me very much.” 
“Not long enough.” 
Words spoken emanating from a place deep within, nothing trite or
superficial.  The murmurings of the
heart, not just of the mind.  If I were
to look at my life today, search my soul, what heart murmurs would I hear?  And if I lost my mind would the messages be
about love?  I’ve dedicated this, my 68th
year, as The Year of Love.

My
church, the Catholic Church, dedicates each year to some worthy theme: The Year
of Faith or The Year of the Eucharist, etc. 
Why not let it be an example for me and dedicate a year of my life to
some worthy concept?  The Year of
Love!  It’s my ultimate goal, to love
deeply, unconditionally, non-judgmentally and without attachment.  It’s the work of a lifetime.  It seems worthwhile and appropriate to take
at least a year and to focus on love.

One more
Alzheimer story.  In the video for the
song “Raymond” by Bret Eldridge an elderly woman has the mistaken
idea that the maintenance man is her deceased son, Raymond.  The video shows that Raymond died in the
Vietnam War but Kathryn, the lady in the video, has no memory of that.  Her memory only goes back to 1943.  She’s a blessed woman.  She appears comfortable in her surroundings
and the cleaning man is kind and gracious. 
“I bring her morning coffee every day,” he sings.  “Sometimes I find myself wishing I’d
been there.”  He seems to love her,
this woman who believes he is her son. 
He knows she loves him.  It’s such
a small act of kindness but it’s such a grand act of love. The video reflects
love in its purest form.  It seems to
seep from the page out into the room.  I
never fail to weep when I watch it. 

What is
more important than creating a life filled with love?  Once we can learn to accept love, we can more
generously give love.  We may not like
everyone, that’s a given but it is possible to still love them or at least to
hold them in a space of love.  You can
pray for your worst enemy and I don’t mean for evil to invade their lives.  It is possible to find a place in our hearts
to ask for the best for everyone in the world, both those we find easy to love
and those who challenge us.  Remember,
you can’t make your world any brighter by blowing out someone else’s
light.  The heart is a muscle.  If we want it to become strong and healthy,
we have to exercise it just like any other muscle. 

If I lose
my mind, which I must confess seems more threatening some days than others, I
want to know that my heart is still full of love and my body, my spirit is
filled with the blessings of a life filled with love.  I want to live a life where I can say
“not long enough.”  A life where
one day someone will look at me and say, “I know you love me.”  Hopefully, they will also know who I am and I
will know who they are.
 
March 10, 2013 In Faith

Savoring Joy

Affirmation: I savor all the joyful experiences of my
life.

I have read that
most people remember their negative or sad experiences better than they
remember their positive, happy experiences. According to the article we have a
tendency to dwell on the negative and sad and to barely notice the joyful
experiences therefore, not fully absorbing them. The advice given was that we
take more notice of the uplifting events; that we let them soak into our
cellular structure by savoring them, not letting them slip by unvalued.

Recently, I
adopted the tool of each morning writing out three joys experienced the day
before.  The practice is helping me pay
closer attention to what enhances the quality of my life.  I notice those things that make me smile and
make a mental note.  Then by writing them
out the next day  I’m recording them
not only on paper but in my heart. 

My mother-in-law
turned 92 this year. Have you ever wondered what you’d be like in your
old age, or if you’ll
even have an old age? (That’s
a whole other topic.) My mom, Margaret is 90 this year.

My
mother-in-law is named Yolanda. They both live independently and are lucky
enough to live in adult communities that offer not only a myriad of services
but easy access to community. They are also in very good health.  I visit my mom regularly.  Getting old is not for the faint of
heart.  It can be a very difficult time
of life.  I often wonder what that will
be like for me.  I’ve been taking note of
how different people approach what appears to be the same situation.  I’m taking notes with the hope that I will
learn how to maintain my sense of joy and adventure.  Is it a deep abiding faith?  Is it cellular, once an optimist, always an
optimist?  Is it being able to review
your life and value, truly value, all you’ve accomplished?

My husband and I
usually travel to see Yolanda for her birthday. I spend the time soaking in the
joy that Yolanda eludes. She counts her birthday cards and reads each one to us
and tells us about the people who sent them, if we don’t already know them. If
we do know them, she tells us about them anyway. She tells us how wonderful
they all are. How kind and talented and smart they are. It’s such fun to
listen to her take pleasure in her family and friends. She’s one of the most
non-judgmental, unconditionally loving people I have ever met. I’ve been blessed by
having her for a mentor and a friend. I’ve
learned so much from this woman who readily accepted me as her daughter simply
because her son loved me.

We moved away from
the New York area very soon after her first granddaughter was born. Melissa was
six weeks old and we moved to a farm town five hours away. They must have been
so unsettled by our decision. But, they never let on, neither she nor Sandy’s dad, Joe. They
simply showed up any chance they got bringing home cooked meals and gifts
galore. I was young. I was a little defensive about keeping my own space, my
own house and I didn’t
fully appreciate what a gift I was being given. 
Now, a grandmother myself I fully appreciate all she and Sandy’s father
did for us.

She now lives in
Savannah. She moved there right before her 90th birthday. We drove
her to the airport; she got on a plane and began a whole new life. I was in
awe. I can only hope that when I’m
90 I will have the gumption to make a lifestyle change.

There are so many
lessons to learn about life from Yolanda. She has a deep abiding faith.  She loves people; they are usually good and
kind and generous, according to her. 
She’s lived a rich life caring for her family and pursuing a
career.  Her whole view of life is
flavored with love: love of God, love of family and friends, love of memories,
love of being alive each and every day. 
I’m
sure you have people in your life from whom you too have learned a lot. But,
one of the lessons I took away from
sharing Yolanda’s celebrations with her was how important it is to savor the
joys of our lives and to absorb them. I believe it will color our attitude, our
health, our quality of life not only now but for the rest of our lives and then
maybe we too can be 90 or 92 or 100+ and giggle and enjoy all the wonderful
moments and celebrations of our lives.

February 3, 2013 In Uncategorized

Embracing Adventure

Affirmation:  I am a bold adventuress.

This is a
very clear example of creating an affirmation to change the way I want to
think.   I want to believe with all my
heart that I am not afraid of most things, especially an “adventure.”  There are all types of adventures some we
choose and some which are chosen for us. 
I don’t care; I want to embrace every one of them.  I want to embrace every aspect of life and I
think most of life is that which happens between our plans and usually that
requires a sense of adventure.  Perhaps
being a daring adventurer requires all those skills I’ve worked on over the
years and have in my “tool box?”

It seems
to me an adventurer or adventuress needs to be flexible. My husband and I were
on our way to a vacation and it required us to fly there.  We were meeting our daughter and future
son-in-law in the Caribbean.  I’ve come
to believe anytime flying is involved, some sort of adventure will present
itself and all the survival skills I’ve been practicing over the years will be
needed to finish the journey.  On this
particular occasion I was right.  It
seemed anything that could delay a flight, delayed our flight from a malfunctioning de-icer to a sick passenger, to mechanical difficulties.  There we sat going nowhere.  After a three hour delay, we took off.  If there were a miracle we would make our next
flight.  There might have been one but we
weren’t aware of it.  We missed the next
flight by 20 minutes. All of the flights the next day were full.  They could send us through Puerto Rico and
then onto our final destination.  We’d
arrive, hopefully, 12 hours after our original time.

The
greatest loss I experienced with cancer was the loss of my intuition.  I always trusted I knew, without reason, what
was going to happen.  I had had many life
experiences when I knew ahead of time how things were going to work out even
when no one else could see it.  When the
word “cancer” was first mentioned to me, it didn’t register.  I had no forewarning.  I couldn’t imagine what they were talking
about.  I didn’t believe them.  The poor physician who first uttered
“breast cancer” to me, I just about attacked him.  What did he know?  That was ridiculous!  I knew he was wrong.  They weren’t wrong and there I was going on
an adventure I hadn’t chosen and of which I’d never even dreamed. 

I’d
always worked hard to be healthy.  I
exercised, I gave up smoking, I only drank alcohol periodically and I really
did try to eat healthily.  After the
cancer treatments were discontinued I began to look at more modalities I could
enlist to stay healthy. I’ve spoken with many people who go searching for those
things that will keep disease at bay.  It
doesn’t have to be cancer.  It can be
heart disease, diabetes, osteoporosis, high blood pressure.  The list is long.  Sometimes I hear about ailments that only a
tiny portion of the population ever experience and hope that I never have to
deal with something so rare but rare or not, there’s always that tiny,
sometimes not so tiny, voice that is questioning what is going on inside my
body that I have no knowledge of and of which I have no control over.  Oh, I’m trying to control it.  That’s what all those extra measures for
staying healthy are all about, vegan eating, no alcohol, exercise every day,
take my vitamins and have my yearly screenings. 
It’s my attempt to keep illness at bay, to trick myself into believing I
have control over what’s going on but I don’t really, do I?  Certainly, I can do all within my ability but
after that, who really knows?

My
husband handed me a short story about a young man who was so anxious about his
health that he had stopped living.  It
revolved around an older professor and his assistant.  After the professor listened to his young
friend’s concerns, he went to tell him about his great-grandfather.  His great grandfather had had all sorts of
health ailments, including losing an arm in one of the wars but he wasn’t as
concerned with disease and death as he was with living.  He had a zest for life and it couldn’t be
dimmed.  He wasn’t going to go quietly
into the night and if he did, he was going to go with the vast, colorful
memories of a life well lived. 

Balance
is another skill I’ve worked on over the years. 
In yoga you normally have one or two balance poses you practice in every
session.  There is a balance between
living recklessly and living so small that you might as well already be
dead.  That’s where being an adventurer
or adventuress comes in.  It’s deciding
to embrace the experience whatever it is or whenever it presents itself.  

As we
boarded the second plane to Puerto Rico a petite blonde women came and sat in
the window seat next to me.  I don’t
remember how the conversant started, probably with just a nod and a hello, like
so many casual meetings.  We exchanged a few
niceties about where we were going and why. 
I on vacation with my family, she returning to one of her two homes, one
in Majorca and one in Antigua.   She
lived on a ship.  It was being restored
in English Harbor, Antigua.  It was a
classic and she invited me to come see it. 
The name?  The Adventuress. 

We took
one day from the delights of the resort and headed out to see some of the
island.  We finally reached English
Harbor.  I guess I wasn’t really thinking
about how to find her ship, I thought I’d just ask.  There were hundreds of ships in the
harbor.  After a while and a few
questions a delightful young man offered us a ride in his Zodiac.  He thought the ship at the very end of the
other side of the harbor might be the one we were looking for.  Off we went. 
Yes, it was her ship, The Adventuress. 
No, she was nowhere to be found but with the mention of her name, we
were invited aboard for a short tour.  It
was stunning and certainly something far removed from my realm of
experience.  I’ve not been on a lot of
sailing ships.  In fact the person who
gave us the tour was the “sail master.”  I didn’t even know there was such a title. 

I kept
thinking about my intention to be grateful for all things at all times.  If we hadn’t missed our flight, I never would
have met the owner of The Adventuress. 
Once again I was faced with the belief that if I’d just relax, trust and
rest in God’s infinite care, I’d be so much happier, so much calmer.  Perhaps I’d even begin to trust my instinct
again.  Perhaps I’d be able to see the
adventure thrust on me with the onset of breast cancer.  Maybe if I could embrace that aspect of the
diagnosis, the one that lets me see all of life as an adventure, maybe then I
could finally fully claim the intention I’ve had for so very long, “I am a
bold adventuress.”  I’m not afraid
to fully live life and with that, perhaps, like the old man in the story, I’ll
go to my death with the vast colorful memories of a well lived life.